Dear Delysia,
Yesterday and the past couple of days have been
interesting. Trevor's girlfriend broke up with him for the third time!
He let her be abusive to him for about 6 months. So now I've been
talking to him for hours and hours for the past couple of days. It is
exhausting to listen to him cry and whine about a person who claimed to
love him and treated him like garbage. He was in an abusive relationship
and was totally OK with it. So then he goes and prays and asks for help
to have her come back somehow from deity! He's so pathetic and so
desperate. It's sad that he's been beaten so much that he would rather
be in an abusive relationship than try to be single again and try again.
I grow weary of speaking to him about her. Yet I complain and
whine about Cory. He is very emotionally unavailable to people. It makes
me feel very insecure that he doesn't know how to be a better friend
than what he's done so far. I just feel so pathetic throwing myself at
him and he just talks to me here and there. I've tried harder to keep in
contact, like texting more and calling once a week. It's not very
satisfying to me. I gave him a challenge of going on dates with people
he's not attracted to. He then told me that he's interacting with people
in groups. I told him that this way, he can do what he's been doing in
groups with people one on one. He then said that his therapist said that
he should date people he's intimidated with. I told him he could choose
if he wanted to do it or not. He choose to accept.
I went to
the temple and did baptisms. I felt ugly inside until I prayed and asked
if I needed to leave. I was told to stay and I did baptisms. I prayed
for help, for being able to know what I am supposed to work with or know
because I believe that I'm living a very diminished life. I'm stuck
being a tool for all these people and advising them with things that I
see that they may have a better life. Where is my compensation? What is
it?... I saw a vision and it doesn't really help me all that much, but
it did give me some answers. Being mormon and gay sucks!
