Another Year

My birthday was yesterday. My how the time flies by. As I grow older, the more I feel that life just races by. It's as if the time of my life's' adventure blurs the vision of where I've been, and lights up the way to my future.

Some of the the accomplishments that I've had in the past 10 years are these: Went to college and graduated, served a 2 year mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, learned to love, moved to Vegas and survived, made some incredible connections in the Federal Government/Fashion/Law fields of work, traveled to New Zealand and Hawa'ii.

I'm happy that my life has introduced me to many wonderful things. I think the best think that I've accomplished in my life so far is being able to meet wonderful people in my walk of life and to be able to keep those relationships a live after the many years of not being in the same proximity as they are.

I am grateful for what I've been given and received.

La dee dah

It has been a long time since I've written. Though writing a post has been on my mind as of late. Eleven days ago I turned 30. I know right, 30?! I've come to a cross roads in my life because of it. I'm sure most people would say that I'm ten years ahead of my time to have a mid-life crisis. I assure you that perhaps given my upbringing and life history, 3o is a little late.

I look back on the things that I have accomplished in the past ten years and wonder, What have I done with my life? Life is so short it seems so trivial and yet as I look at the list of things that I am proud of, I am saddened that I haven't accomplished more. Some of the things that I have accomplished are these:

1. Served a 2 year religious mission
2. Received a college Education
3. Traveled outside of the United States
4. Lived outside of my home state of Utah for over a year, by myself
5. Lost my VL status to a total stranger 
6. Had a brush with what 'Love' is
7. Rekindled lost friendships
8. Became more self-aware
9. Drank an alcoholic beverage
10. Made up a holiday that I celebrate every year, for 4 years. Happy Panda Day, June 26th is the name of the holiday.
11. Became an uncle of three nieces, two nephews.
12. Became an adopted son of a Japanese, Greek, Cambodian, Taiwanese, American and Chilean families.

A part of me wishes that I could put a couple of things down that many of my peers and family have already accomplished that seems beyond my grasp. Married the love of my life and being a proud parent of X kids. Those two missing things just rack me at the bone. I look back and wish I could change things. I wish I could be a different person sometimes. A person that could be everything that I'm not right now.

The good things bring me happiness. I'm a person of memories and vivid pictures of emotion cascade across my mind when I look back and see all the wonderful things that have happened. I often forget those times. I'm glad I had taken pictures of those good times to help me remember. It's funny that pictures can do both for you; bring happiness or sadness no matter the scene of the picture.

I look now and think, what is there left now for me, a barren man without a family of my own or a wife? I have looked and pondered on what I could do. Dating seems to be an impossible task that irritates me. I don't know what I'm doing, I get scared/overconfident and mess things up, I hold back, I don't trust people to handle me with care. I don't like to be vulnerable and who does?

I suppose I'm just rambling on. I get lost in nostalgia. Perhaps too often I get lost in it. I get triggered by certain arrangements of music and video. Usually music triggers all my nostalgia and sends me back to a memory locked away. Here is the most recent video/music arrangement that has sent me down memory lane...and has caused me to yearn...giggles

If we were all so lucky now. :) But I know, we will all have an opportunity to have this. I only hope I'm not too late.