A blessing to my Best Friend Cousin

Dear Delysia,

I gave Traci a blessing as his request. I felt like I could share it, that one day his posterity may know to why they have been so greatly blessed. I changed his name to keep the special, sacred nature to him alone. But I wanted to share with you what it was that you may be edified as well.

I love you. I love him too. :D



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BEST FRIEND COUSIN,

I am writing this letter at your request that I may give you a bed time story on your request of your business. This story is a glimpse of what may be yours given that you remain on the path of righteousness and lean onto your Heavenly Father and His guidance for you:

BEST FRIEND COUSIN, by the power of the Melchizedek Priesthood that I hold, I give you a blessing, in request to your faith and request: 

BEST FRIEND COUSIN, there will come a time when you'll be a man of much wealth of earthly things. Our Father in Heaven would have you know that because you've been willing to accept His will for you, to be the best man that you can possibly be, that the scriptures that state that Insomuch as you keep the commands of God, you shall inherit and prosper in the land. As the days continue to grow dark and the spiritual aptitudes of those of your fellow man continue to fail, you'll be supported. Please know that your wealth will ebb and flow based upon your diligence and heed to the things that matter the most. The earthly wealth will always be a blessings as you remain close to your Father in Heaven. It will become a shackle on your neck as foretold in Isaiah 52:2. D&C 113:10 will be a stark reminder that if you decide to allow the wealth that you accumulate to shackle you and you notice it, that you'll come before God on humble knees to ask for His forgiveness. May it be that you may not know the weight that the band can press upon your shoulders. For you will bare that weight alone and if not corrected quickly, it will crush you. 

There will be a time when you'll be able to serve in whatever capacity you wish or desire. Your company will be a gateway to other forms of earthly attainment. All that you've wanted, shall be given to you in the proper time and season. Know that our God knows that these blessings will come to bring light, happiness and gladness to your heart, your soul, that you may know that God has heard your prayers and has sustained your hard work and determination. Not only to work hard and by your fruits you shall be rewarded, but also because you've learned to lean not on your own powers, but you've learned to rely on our Father in Heaven. 

You will become a man of power. You'll be responsible of many souls financially. You'll will be given the tools, resources and power to govern and sustain their earthly needs. You'll be in a position to bless many. When this is so, always remember that attitude of generosity of your greatest resource: your faith, your time, your love. May these resources always govern your actions, for you'll be given many responsibilities for the sake of their salvation. You shall bless those in need. You shall watch over the tender ones, the pure, the forsaken, the lost and the lonely. Your Father in Heaven will require all that you are and all that you shall be. Please know peace in your heart, for He will always provide a way for His will to be done. You will be doing what will qualify you to be as He is, a God: of Love, Grace, Mercy, Compassion, Righteousness. 

Your business now will bring you success in ways you will not expect. Your business now will provide you with the experience needed to build more success. Remember always that our Father in Heaven will always be interested in your affairs regarding your dreams and desires as you allow Him to take care of you; as you bless others around you. What you've overcome with God's grace and love, so far has granted you this blessing:  Money will always find you. This blessing will evolve to greater capacity as you grow in the gospel. 

I want you to always remember that it is by living the Gospel of Jesus Christ that you'll find the greatest success. May the gospel guide you always. May you remain constant and incorruptible. Remember that you are one of the great and nobles ones. Your capacity to do and achieve good is endless. Our Father in Heaven expects you to do good continually. Our God is guiding you to be a success. Listen to Him. Do not be afraid to make mistakes. Mistakes will be to your benefit in ways you'll not be able to see. Have faith, believe. 

I leave you this Blessing and seal it upon you, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. 
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My Cruise!

Dear Delysia,

So, I forgot to tell you that I'm going on a cruise on Saturday of this week! SQUEAL! I am going to be gone from this Saturday to next Saturday! I fly into California this Friday to go visit with Traci. But as I shared with you earlier, I'm not sure that I want to see him. I have been thinking of late that friendship with me isn't as important. Yet, at the same time feel like I'm being overly dramatic! I need to stop!

So I am so excited though. I have been watching the movie Titanic and it's been hilarious! It sort of freaks me out a bit. Granted I am only going to Mexico, so there aren't any icebergs, yet it makes me sort of uneasy going to a place where I'm not in control all that much.

I have also been stressing out a bit. I am headed to Cali on Friday to spend a day there. Yet, I'm just a little bit frazzled to get things together. I'm sort of a mess. I don't know whats wrong really. I should be happy, but so many things have changed in such a small amount of time.

I am happy and very grateful that I even get to go on a cruise. I have never been in a position where I could afford to go. Yet, today I am able to afford it and will be able to enjoy a time where I can experience international travel to Mexico. I've traveled internationally before, just not to Mexico.

A part of me wants to have a fling and enjoy a night or two with some stranger, yet it would be that the stranger would need to be on the ship. I want to experience a moment of passion. Yet, I'm not sure if that will happen. I want it to. I want some stranger to see me and find me attractive and wanting to talk to me and be with me.

I miss having friends that are pineapples. I need more friends to relate too. I'm afraid that Cory Beth, Traci, Boo Boo, the Coops are not much that I can relate with.... perhaps I am too wanting. Perhaps I should just enjoy things as they come.

....

I am very pleased and happy that I can go. It is a lifetime activity that I wouldn't have been able to help other wise. I have been very blessed to go! I am very blessed and very grateful!

The Two Orchids

Dear Delysia,

The orchids are changing so much! The other day, Cherry Beth called my like 4 times! He never calls me that much?! I was with my family at the time and didn't have my phone on me when he did call me, so I would just call him back and he didn't answer... so I just told him that I would call him when I was done with my family party. I called him and he said that a friend of him, Ty was hurting for help. Cory Beth offered to help him by paying for a bus pass, but he didn't have ID to claim the bus pass. Apparently, this friend, has been in drugs, being homeless and can't be home for some reason. So Cory decided to drive down to Las Vegas to pick him up and bring him home!

When Cherry B told me this, I was totally shocked. I was talking to him when he in Cedar City, like 3 hours away from Las Vegas! I was in shock. Cory just went and picked him up and drove him home to Cory's place! I'm still in shock! I would have never had thought that Cory would have done that for his friend Ty?! Traci had told me that he knew that Cory Beth would do almost anything for the friends that he cared for. Traci said that CB is very loyal. I didn't really agree with that idea. I don't think CB has that many friends that he would be willing to do things like that. CB was very generous about it. He just said that he's trying to do his part.

It is funny. Delysia, I was really upset with him for some of the things that I notice about him. I noticed that when I think like we are becoming friends, I realize that we're not really. He only contacts me when he wants something. When he wants something, he'll just talk about himself and then off he goes. That annoys me a lot! I find that to be so ingenue. Yet, that is all that he knows how to do. Yet, he'll go and drive to pick up some dude in Las Vegas?!

I told Traci that CB was headed to Las Vegas and how CB was just chatting me up, to tell me about all the good he's doing. Traci said, 'Isn't interesting that you and Cory are becoming better friends? He is acting like he really likes talking to you right?' I said, I'm not really thinking about that, but I probably should start thinking like that. CB doesn't really talk to me all that much, but when he does, he has a lot to ask and say about girls and his life. I don't really give him much about mine. I don't really think he really cares that much and he doesn't have any opinions about it, so why say anything.

Then Traci has been getting on my nerve because I feel like he's treating me like I'm nothing anymore. I'm just a dude that he called 3x's a day to cry, complain, whine and moan about how God is so mean to him, He's never been loved, he can't get over this broken girl,... yadah yadah yadah. Then when he finally gets what he has always have wanted, that broken girl comes back to him so he can try and marry her, I am a inconvenience. I've know that this would be the case, yet I liked to think that it wouldn't come to this. I called him a couple of times and he is very not there. He seems very uninterested in what I'm saying. So I feel like I'm talking to a wall. I spoke to him today and he just didn't say much. Then I said ok, thanks for listening. He then said that I shouldn't say it like that. I said, like what? He said like the conversation was not worthwhile. I said that I didn't say it like that. Then he said that he wanted to be honest and say the reason he wasn't really into talking was because our conversations last for at least 40 mins and he was reading stuff online and was about to go do some things. I said that it was fine and told him that I'll chat with him later. He said that I should remember that I'll see him on Friday.

I was so upset! I felt like he just told me that he can't be bothered with me wanting to talk. He forgets that most of the conversations came from him because he was calling me all day, everyday to cry and whine and complain! And now that he has his woman and some how found friends to hang out with, he can't be bothered. He would complain that he didn't have friends to hang out with or do things with. Now that his broken girl is back, he's found social things to do, so he can show her off in a good light. Because most of us who know that thing, don't like her because she's not a nice girl! So I roll my eyes at him. He's treating me like he did when we first met! He's forgotten that I'm the one that had to rearrange my schedule, give up sleep, give up friend time to listen to him bitch! I'm mad at him. 

I don't want to see him on Friday. I am just going to buy a hotel and stay there. For the sake of my delicate constitution and my cruise, I'm not going to bother with him. I don't want to see him or have him talk about her or even see if he would bring her along! I don't want to see her, hear her voice, see them together, nothing! So, I think I've decided that I'm not going to see him and just tell him that I'm with people, or just ignore his phone calls. That is probably the best way. I am also working 2 jobs and he is waiting for his appt to come alive, so I've got stuff to do.

He texted me later today and said this: Dang it! I was going to call you in between jobs but I spaced it.

This text makes him look guilty. I didn't respond. I need to come to terms better that these orchids aren't going to be permanent, unless they need something from me. I need to learn my lesson not to base so much of my energy, light, love in people who will take it for granted. My family love me and will always love me. These orchids only love the attention and have eyes and hearts for themselves. I don't have time for that. I did stupid things like put people like that in my center of my world. Instead, I need to focus on my family and friends here and there.

I'm really upset, but telling you this, helps me feel better. I need a better relationship with God, not these boys.

Family Party

Dear Delysia,

The past couple of days have been so wonderful! I planned the family Christmas Party and it was a BLAST! I made games, food and drinks and we just had a good time. All of my family came except for my sisters husband and her son. The reason why, was because her son contracted hand, mouth and foot! It was bad and ugly. My sisters daughter also got it, but she didn't break out. Her immune system must be top notch to have killed the virus relatively well! But her brother, little Noah didn't have an immune system to fight it off that much. So my sister called me and told me that she wasn't going to be able to go to the Christmas Party! She called me a week before told me this. BUT, then a couple days before, her husband said that she could go with her daughter! So my sister came! Everyone one was there! I was so happy to hear that news!

My step-sister showed up with her husband. Her husband seemed a lot older than what he is. He is just a year younger than me. But he looked awful. She had foot surgery, so she was limping. But I was happy to see her be there. It has been several years since we've seen them.

Sniffles was happy to see us all in her grumpy way. She was mew mew mewing and purr purr purring and was growling when I was giving her kisses! That little poop! But when I let her go, she wanted to be pet! She is a poop! She doesn't want to be held or kissed, but she does want to be pet! She's so funny like that, and a turd! But I still love her, because she is my little girl! She mew mew mews and purr purr purrs! She doesn't purr very loud. My first kitty kitty, Molly purred really loud! But she wasn't so grumpy. Molly was like a part of the family. She loved us all, would go to bed with all of us and would purr really loud until we all went to sleep! She was my baby. I love animals. I am just like my mama, I love the animals!

We played a white elephant game where you had to unwrap your gift with oven mitts on. That was so much fun! While you were trying to unwrap your present, the rest of us are trying to roll the die to open the gift. If the person rolls doubles, then the person trying to get their present unwrapped, has to stop and they give up the oven mitts and the person that rolled the doubles get a try. While that is all happening, others are rolling the die, so you don't have a lot of time to get your present. Others can steal your present, if they want to. I had a lot of fun! We laughed and laughed and had a good ole time. Then the next game we played, was tipping over water balls with a tennis ball in a panty hose on your head! That was so much fun! Doing a winner and loser bracket was so much fun! I just loved being with my family and their babies!

We ate a lot of food, we had pretty dishes, mama prayed, we just enjoyed the moments together. Mama had a new puppy named Mickey! He is a biter and was trying to bite the kids, so Baby Phat had to hold him and so did mama! It was just nice to be with the family. Then we played pounce and Rat Bridge. Those games were really fun! The kids played with bubbles, puzzles and paint.

I was sad that mama had to go to work that night. But I was really happy that we had time with the family. I should have taken more pics, but I am glad that I planned it and that we had time to just soak up each others presence. Jacob started realigning our backs. Oh man, that felt so good. I was a little afraid, but he did a great job and helped me learn it. We all think that he should go to school as a Chiropractor! He was hesitant, but I think he should! He would do well with it. He doesn't want to be in debt, but I think that he should really think about it! I think it isn't formal school: having to take classes that have nothing to do with his major, he would just study the body and the back and do an internship! He could do it and we do amazing at it!

Driving home, I was hit by a car! It banged up my vehicle a little bit, but it's fine. I just need a new grill on the front and I'll be go.

I had a great time with my family! mew mew mews... and purr purr purrs... 

Playing with my Puppy

Dear Delysia,

I forgot to tell you that Traci came to town and hung out with his family, Cory Beth and myself! OMG, I've had some reservations with spending actual time with Traci. I know, it's complicated! Traci makes me nervous in real life. He can just read me like a book. I like that in the sense that he can understand me, I don't like it because I like to hide from men. I love him. He makes me feel safe.

It was really nice. We watched the movie, Doctor Strange. It was so much fun to go with him. It was funny, because a lot of the movie reminded me of the conversations that I've had with him. Traci is incredibly smart, an amazing man with motivation to figure stuff, conquering spirit and a provider. He is also so very kind, supportive and willing to sacrifice for those he loves. He is like a dream come true to me. It's as if he doesn't see that he's everything that I thought didn't exist in this world when it comes to men. He is just so wonderful, with flaws, but I love him for who he is that I just think that time, will help him become refined.

I stayed up with him a lot to talk about his hurt feelings about the girl that he loved that broke up with him. He is trying really hard to receive and understand revelation. I don't have an issue with getting answers, he does. He also doesn't really understand how God speaks to him. I am happy to be able to assist and help him. I think the best that I've done is encouraged him to move forward. Watching the movie with him just made me think that he has beat the river of revelation. Beating a river will not make the water submit to the beater. You must let it flow and watch where it takes you. The refinement of the water makes you shine!

The other part that was really nice was going to dinner with Cory Beth and Traci. We ate some food that was Mediterranean at the mall. We chatted about life, the olden days of Cory Beth and Traci. Watching those two talk and banter with each other was so wonderful! They acted like they were siblings poking, jarring and annoying each other. It was so nice to see them just be themselves, being vulnerable and just having fun. Traci and Cory Beth bicker like they've been siblings forever! So we went to a place that is a maze game room. The point is that they give you a puzzle room that you need to get out of. So me, Traci, my friend Thad and his boyfriend John, Will and another pineapple were on one team. Cory Beth and some girls were on the other team. I had to chuckle because Traci and I noticed that Traci was the only one that wasn't a pineapple. LOL. So we went into this room and we had 60 mins to get out of the room vs the other team! We won. We made it out of the room in 40 mins. The other team didn't even get out of the room. There was a piece of the puzzle where I could leave a note for the other team, so I left a note for Cory Beth and wrote this:

Dear Cory Beth, YOU LOSE!

While waiting for Cory Beth and his team, we just chatted with Thad and John. Then the other team came out, we took pics and then us boys: Traci, Cory Beth and myself stayed around a little bit longer and talked with some girls. I instantly made friends with the two ladies and a dude named Jason. It was really nice to chat with the girls, while I worked my magic. Then we decided to walk down the street a couple of blocks for ice cream. It was great. Traci and Cory Beth complained about the cold, because they are old ladies! LOL. Then Cory Beth put wooden spoons in his mouth and Traci freaked OUT! We were at a ice cream place and the tasting spoons were made of wood. I didn't realize that Traci was so afraid of wooden spoons!

Then we talked more about Traci and Cory Beth with Cory Beth's friends. Cory Beth gave Traci a dare: would he prefer to hold hands with a woman for 10 minutes or would you prefer to eat ice cream leisurely with a wooden spoon? Traci took the spoon, but either one would have drove Traci over the edge of craziness! I just laughed and laughed. Those two were an absolute delight. I love them very much. They are both very adorable!

I was greatly spoiled this Thanksgiving weekend. I spent time with boys that I consider my family, so it was time well spent.

A letter to Cherry Beth's mom

Dear Sister McBride,

It has come to my attention that your husband has recently been diagnosed with prostate cancer. Your son had shared that with me.  I wanted to share with you some of my thoughts, I hope that I haven’t stepped out of place to share them with you. Your son has been such a great example of faith,  resilience and a great example. He shared with me that he was given the opportunity to give your husband a blessing with his grandfather. He shared with me that he really felt the flow of the spirit strongly as he blessed him. He then mentioned that his grandfather told him to command the cancer to stop growing! When your son told me this small portion of what happened, I was filled with peace.  Days before he had shared with me that your husband might have prostate cancer, he seemed  worried. Yet, as I have gotten to know your son more, I have learned that not many things bother him much. He has a very positive attitude about almost everything. I have only known of a couple of things that have put your son on edge; this was one of them. Yet, as I asked him later when he had let me know about the test results, he seemed very unbothered. It’s sort of funny, because I think I’m more nervous about the test results. Yet, when I asked your son how he felt about the results, he said to me, “I feel really good. I gave my dad a blessing and I feel confident that things will work out. There isn’t much to worry about.”

When he said that to me, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace; what he said was true. My mother always taught me that children are a reflection of their parents. I feel like I’ve had a great glimpse of who you both are. I think, how wonderful you and your husband must be, given that your first born child is such a wonder. I’m very grateful that I’ve been able to get to know him. He’s been so kind to me. My favorite moments of him, have been his dedication to the temple and the gospel. On a trip that we went, he shared with me that one of his favorite memories was all of you but Kayla were able to go to the temple and worship together as a family. He was and still is determined that one day, Kayla will be able to join you all.  He said that you have always loved going there and so has he. He also mentioned on that trip how wonderful your husband has been in being a great example of being a provider of spiritual and physical needs to your family. He said that he admired that your husband is a great dad and a great example.

Your son has been a blessing to me. He has also given me blessings that have brought peace to my soul. I have felt the power of God come from him. For that I am very grateful to you and your husband. Thank you very much. I think you’ve done wonderfully in raising him in the light of the gospel.

I hope this short note will bring you peace and comfort during this time of uncertainty:

There was a time when meadow, grove, and stream,

The earth and every common sight

To me did seem

Appareled in celestial light,

The glory and the freshness of a dream.

It is not now, as it has been of yore

Turn wherever I may,
By night or day,

The things which I have seen I now can see no more.

But there’s a tree, of many, one,

A single field which I have looked upon,

Both them speak of something that is gone;

The pansy at my feet

Doth the same tale repeat:

Whither is fled the visionary gleam?

Where is it now, the glory and the dream?

Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting

The soul that rises with us, our life’s Star,

Hath had elsewhere its setting,

And cometh from afar:

Not in entire forgetfulness,

And not in utter nakedness,

But trailing clouds of glory do we come

From God, who is our home.

Oh Fountains, Meadows, Hills and Groves,

Forebode not any severing of our loves!

Yet in my heart of hearts I feel your might;

I only have relinquished one delight

To live beneath your more habitual sway.

I love the brooks which down their channel’s fret,

Even more than when I ripped lightly as they;

The innocent brightness of a new-born Day

Is lovely yet;

The clouds that gather round the setting sun

Do take a sober coloring from an eye

That hath kept watch over man’s mortality;

Another race has been, and other palms are won.

Thanks to the human heart by which we live,

Thanks to its tenderness, its joys and fears

To me the meanest flower that blows can give

Thoughts that do often lie too deep for tears.

I hope and pray that you and your husband will always feel God’s love for you. I pray that the surgery on Wednesday will be successful. I pray that Bro. McBride will recover quickly. Above all, I hope that your family will be more fully enveloped in God’s love that no matter the circumstances you’ll always find confidence in His promises, you’ll hear His voice and you’ll all feel His presence and love.

Sincerely,

Joshua Rosen

Changing things

Dear Delysia,

The end of the year for me is really hard. I don't really know why. The things that come to my mind about that would be my family history: my family members visit the pearly gates during this time and I don't like endings.

I had a really good day today really. I went to the gym, did deep water aerobics and water zumba with a dear friend of mine. While I was dancing in the water, I was thinking how much fun I was having while doing the move set and just feeling sexy and moving so smoothly. But then the thoughts kept creeping into my mind that in April, the majority of my purpose with me gone. Cory Beth will be gone, Alexis will be gone, Boo Boo will be gone.

I had a really hard time taking those feelings out of my mind. I tried really hard not to sink into my shame spiral. That spiral is me feeling alone, unloved and thinking that I have to start from scratch again. I shared those feelings with my friend Torie, my gym buddy. Then I decided to go to the Temple.

I went to the temple and just prayed. I prayed and flipped open the Bible and read Isaiah 51:3:

For the Lord shall comfort Zion: he will comfort all her waste places; and he will make her wilderness like Eden, and her desert like the garden of the Lord; joy and gladness shall be found therein, thanksgiving , and the voice of melody. 

It is so interesting how revelation from God works with me. I just picked up the book, flipped the pages and BOOM, it landed on this chapter. I really felt the peace and warm of the Spirit of God upon my heart. It made me feel not so alone. It made me feel like I was needed to be there to sustain my health, strength and energy to continue on the path of being the best person that I could be. Writing it down now, brings me the sensation of peace and feeling calm.

After my session of crying and sharing with the Lord how I felt and asking Him what I should be doing with the next 4 months, all I really got was wait and be still. While walking out, I missed a call from my best friend cousin, Traci. I called him. He told me he felt impressed to call me so he did. I love him. He is so good to me. He is such a good friend! We talked and he comforted me with sharing with me that I need to not be so focused on things I have no control over. He encouraged me to focus on things that I can control, like loving those around me when they are in my sphere of influence, taking the time to take care of myself, get a hobby that is just for me.

I am entertaining that idea. I need to get out of debt and then think of something!