Changing things

Dear Delysia,

The end of the year for me is really hard. I don't really know why. The things that come to my mind about that would be my family history: my family members visit the pearly gates during this time and I don't like endings.

I had a really good day today really. I went to the gym, did deep water aerobics and water zumba with a dear friend of mine. While I was dancing in the water, I was thinking how much fun I was having while doing the move set and just feeling sexy and moving so smoothly. But then the thoughts kept creeping into my mind that in April, the majority of my purpose with me gone. Cory Beth will be gone, Alexis will be gone, Boo Boo will be gone.

I had a really hard time taking those feelings out of my mind. I tried really hard not to sink into my shame spiral. That spiral is me feeling alone, unloved and thinking that I have to start from scratch again. I shared those feelings with my friend Torie, my gym buddy. Then I decided to go to the Temple.

I went to the temple and just prayed. I prayed and flipped open the Bible and read Isaiah 51:3:

For the Lord shall comfort Zion: he will comfort all her waste places; and he will make her wilderness like Eden, and her desert like the garden of the Lord; joy and gladness shall be found therein, thanksgiving , and the voice of melody. 

It is so interesting how revelation from God works with me. I just picked up the book, flipped the pages and BOOM, it landed on this chapter. I really felt the peace and warm of the Spirit of God upon my heart. It made me feel not so alone. It made me feel like I was needed to be there to sustain my health, strength and energy to continue on the path of being the best person that I could be. Writing it down now, brings me the sensation of peace and feeling calm.

After my session of crying and sharing with the Lord how I felt and asking Him what I should be doing with the next 4 months, all I really got was wait and be still. While walking out, I missed a call from my best friend cousin, Traci. I called him. He told me he felt impressed to call me so he did. I love him. He is so good to me. He is such a good friend! We talked and he comforted me with sharing with me that I need to not be so focused on things I have no control over. He encouraged me to focus on things that I can control, like loving those around me when they are in my sphere of influence, taking the time to take care of myself, get a hobby that is just for me.

I am entertaining that idea. I need to get out of debt and then think of something!