7.
I am jealous of those who get revelation. I feel like all I get is
silence. It is hard sometimes to believe that God would love me and yet
remain silent. I have made it a personal goal to strive to hear God's
voice and receive revelations. I have submerged myself in scripture
study, lots of prayer, going to institute, serving, you name it, I have
done it. Through all my effort, I didn't always think that I was getting
much more of anything other than a few whisps of sensation of the
spirit. It stayed this way for quite awhile. At times, I distracted
myself with good works, school, work and dating. Then one day I had
enough. I had it with trying to speak to Him and he wouldn't speak back.
I went to bed angry and didn't sleep very well. Then some weeks later,
at institute, we had a lesson on listening with spiritual ears and
waiting on the Lord. We read Matt 7:24.
It was the story of the man building a house upon the sand and a house
upon a rock. The impression then came flooding into my mind. You can't
build a house in one day
or two... it can take months. It takes time to build a relationship
with God where He can speak and I can listen. Now revelation comes
easier, when I rely and feel after Him. It's still a struggle, but I
have learned to be patient with myself and God. You can't build a
celestial castle in a day, likewise you can't build a relationship with
God in one day either, but you can wait for Him and He will come. He has come to me and He will come to you.
8. I remember Hermana Anderson was a pain. She woke up late, she didn't like to study with me, she was very lazy, to me. I was counseled by my Mission President to practice patience and pray for it. So I did. I was determined to have patience for Hermana Anderson if it killed me or not. Well, 3 transfers later, I found myself ready to strangler her in her sleep. I was confused and absolutely baffled by why I wasn't able to have patience with her. Everything she did, started to drive me up the wall. I cleaned the dishes, said the prayers, shared my food with her, spoke kindly to her all the time, held in my rage. One night, with my whits end, I pleaded with the Lord to have Him come through with His promises. He was silent. The next day, we went tracking and after 6 hours of blistering heat, rejections and getting unwanted cat calls, Hermana Anderson just stopped where she stood and sat down. I was trying so hard to always have a great attitude no matter what. When she just stood there and sat down, I had it with her. Right before I was about to give her a peace of my mind of how I felt like she was the biggest chain and ball around my neck, she said to me in tears, " Hermana Lopez, why are you so kind to me? How is it that you're so happy despite all the rejection and crappy stuff that has happened today? You never give up and you're so patient? How can you be like this, especially to me?" I realized then that I couldn't always recognize the blessings of the Lord, but they always come.
- John -
8. I remember Hermana Anderson was a pain. She woke up late, she didn't like to study with me, she was very lazy, to me. I was counseled by my Mission President to practice patience and pray for it. So I did. I was determined to have patience for Hermana Anderson if it killed me or not. Well, 3 transfers later, I found myself ready to strangler her in her sleep. I was confused and absolutely baffled by why I wasn't able to have patience with her. Everything she did, started to drive me up the wall. I cleaned the dishes, said the prayers, shared my food with her, spoke kindly to her all the time, held in my rage. One night, with my whits end, I pleaded with the Lord to have Him come through with His promises. He was silent. The next day, we went tracking and after 6 hours of blistering heat, rejections and getting unwanted cat calls, Hermana Anderson just stopped where she stood and sat down. I was trying so hard to always have a great attitude no matter what. When she just stood there and sat down, I had it with her. Right before I was about to give her a peace of my mind of how I felt like she was the biggest chain and ball around my neck, she said to me in tears, " Hermana Lopez, why are you so kind to me? How is it that you're so happy despite all the rejection and crappy stuff that has happened today? You never give up and you're so patient? How can you be like this, especially to me?" I realized then that I couldn't always recognize the blessings of the Lord, but they always come.
- Maria -
Continue to Pt. 5
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