Sacramento pt.1

Dear Delysia,

I have been having a hard time getting things in perspective. I have been blinded to the sight of others because I don't always believe that their point of view is valid. I am willing to listen and I have always prided myself in being able to see their point of view, but I don't always see their point of view as being valid.

I am in Sacramento. I didn't want to come here. Cory invited me for a vacation type thing. I saw it as an obligation.

Feltner said that he really enjoyed his open relationship with his bf. How they spoke about everything.

Cory spoke about  how pineapples throw away the plan of salvation, by trying to build relationships with Same-sex people. He talked about how Feltner was all about trying to find happiness in this life. He said that we are not here to just be happy. We are here to overcome challenges and to gain eternal life. He said that Feltner is wrong in his response in this life by dating and marrying a man. We aren't just here to be happy. We are here to learn to be like God.

Cory also had received answers on how he can be a help and support to his roommate Will, who he finally wrote a letter and told Will that he knew that he was gay. Cory had a long talk with Feltner last night and realized that Cory is learning just as much from this trip and Feltner is getting an opportunity to receive help.

I called Traci and got his opinions about my frustrations about this whole situation. I don't like that I'm here. But, I am learning that I am a huge blessing to others. I am a blessing and being a support to others is far harder than being a lead. Being a lead is easier. Being the support is hard, because you see things the lead doesn't and you have to persuade them to look at situations in a way that they can.

Traci said that I am here on this trip to be a blessing and to learn how to approach soldiers of God. Cory is a soldier and probably won't change that. He also said that Cory doesn't like to go on trips alone and he wouldn't have invited me to go with him, if he didn't like me. He said that Cory is trying the best way he knows how to connect with me. Traci said that I need to let him.

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I just got back from a trip to San Fran in California. I went with Cory Beth because he asked me to join him. He told me that he felt like he needed to visit his friend Feltner in Sacramento and he wanted to know if I would come.

When he told me that he received the impressions to visit his friend, I really got nervous. I asked the Lord if I should go. He told me that it was up to me. In the mean time, I thought it would be a good mini vacation. I enjoyed the last trip that I took with Cory Beth, I thought this one could help his and my friendship. Then all of a sudden, the crap hit the fan with my family. Mom had two strokes, and was moving out of her dream home, I was going to have to miss work for about a week, I needed to dip into my cruise money to go and support Cory. 

Then I asked the Lord if I should go. He told me that I should trust that my family and their situations were in His hands. He also told me that Feltner was no longer in a position where God could freely help him. So I should go with Cory and fulfill my promise to support and help him to be a blessing to Feltner. I knew Feltner was a pineapple and was hesitant to go because he was living the life of a pineapple. Most pineapple do not advocate for being a nun. So I took a huge leap of faith to go with Cory. A part of me didn't want to go. A part of me felt like God was asking me to take care of others that don't really seem to want to take care of me. But I went and helped Cory the best I knew how.

I was happy that I went. I got to know Cory better, his thinking patterns and his behavior patterns. The things that I noticed were:

1. Cory has a need to be constantly entertained or stimulated.

2. Cory gets bored easily with people and situtations.

3. Cory calls and reaches out to people when he's bored. He'll also text/snap chat while stuck with another person.

4. Cory doesn't like to share his thoughts and feelings, especially if he's irritated with you.

5. Cory has a hard time being vulnerable or loving others.

6. Cory is a slow learner when it come to spiritual things.

7. Cory's 'best friend' relationships are all shallow and based around activities, not deeper things.

8. Cory doesn't know how to connect with people very well. His main tactic is being physical and seductive with women. But connecting on a deeper level, he can't/won't. 

9. Cory is very distant when people try to get to know him. He also avoids conflict at all times.

10. Cory is always the nice guy to a fault. Often times he'll endure huge amounts of pain to keep that front up. He doesn't like to be seen as a mean person.

11. When Cory realizes that he's not always the 'nice guy', he avoids it all together.

12. Cory isn't very thoughtful of others.

13. Cory is afraid of intimate feelings with anyone.

14. Cory believes that most everyone is very capable to take care of themselves. Most people don't need help or want it. 

15. He is very methodical and tries very hard to accommodate you when he's trying to be attentive to you. 

16. Being attentive to others drains him quickly.

.... to be continued...