Oct 3, 2016

Dear Delysia,

Today and yesterday, a lot of things have happened. During the past two days have been General Conference. I didn't listen to all of it because of work and because I didn't want to choke stuff down. I was in a fowl mood. I didn't really want to listen to much of what the prophet, seers and revelators had to say about things. I listen to all of Sunday's sessions. I didn't really listen to Saturdays.

Saturday, I was able to leave work early and visit Seiko chan! She told me of her life and her worries about her future. She first told me that she isn't really feeling like God loves her. She has tried her best, but doesn't really see much hope. She wants to be married. She is 35 years old. So she wants a family. She also shared with me that her parents have lost hope to move forward. She feels like the gospel is too hard for them to keep going. There is so much for them to do and they just don't feel like they can measure up to what is asked of all of us. Then she shared with me the guy that she is dating online in Korea!

She is really happy with him. She met him online, as a pen pal. She knows Japanese as well as Korean. He is Korean and the speak to each other everyday. She was concerned with whether or not she should continue with her relationship with this guy. He isn't a member of the church, but she has seen many women in Japan that are married to men that aren't members of the church. I just told her that if God wanted her to stop talking to him, He would tell her. He hasn't told her, so she is good to go in my mind. I also told her that there are many ways to put yourself in a position to have all that we would want to have. How to receive those blessings, is different for everyone. I just encouraged her to be happy and continue with the good she was doing. Seiko chan is a wonderful person! I hope that she'll find the courage and strength to be the best person that she can be always!

On my way home for visiting Seiko, I just cried. I was mad at my life circumstances. I feel cheated. I feel alone. I hate when people say the phrases that sort sound like: God is your Father and He has a plan for you. I hate these types of phrases. To me, it just means, come to terms with whatever it is you hate. It won't change, so learn to deal with it. I told Traci how I felt about that, and he responded so beautifully. Traci said this:

"Josh, I can see how you wouldn't really like that phrase. It makes a lot of sense Though, do you think it is fair to compare God with mortal men? I get it. It hurts and I'm sorry. I think of our lives as hiking. Sometimes your sick, most of the time you're tired and often times, the view is covered by trees. I am just really happy that I get to walk with you."

This just made me cry. Traci is a wonderful man! He is getting so much better at being a comfort and is getting so much better at being consoling. I love him. I told him that I miss him and am grateful that he cares for me and thinks of me, even when he has no cause to.

I am so grateful for Traci. He'll be home in one more day! I'm so excited to see talk to him! I miss him so!