Dear Delysia,
The past couple of days have been a roller coaster ride. I know, I know, that seems to always be the case. It would appear that I have a flair for the dramatic! giggles...
On Sunday, I had learned a lot of different things. A speaker spoke of a story of a king who built a road to connect his kingdom from one side to the other. So the King built the road. Once the road was finished, he invited his whole kingdom to travel the road. He told his subjects that he wanted them to travel the road and who ever traveled the road the best, would receive a reward. So all the Kingdom gathered together and started to travel from one side of the Kingdom to the other. As the King awaited for the report of the subjects to the road, they came pouring in at different times. Almost every traveler came and reported to the King. They all mentioned that there was a pile of rubble that needed to be removed, it made the travel on the road very difficult. At the end of the day, he saw an older man approach him to report his travels on the road. The King asked him why he took so long to return from his travels. All the other subjects had returned at mid-day. The man replied, 'Your majesty. I have come at this late hour because their was a pile of rubble on the road. So I stopped to remove the pile. I felt like others traveling behind me would have an easier time to travel if I removed it so I did. I also found this chest of gold underneath the rubble. I have come to return it to you, oh King. It does not belong to me, perhaps the chest of gold belongs to you or another?"
The King replied, "You have traveled the road the best way. The chest of gold is for you."
I started crying in church. I felt like that is my life right now. Nothing really has changed in my life. In fact, things have gotten worse, in terms of the temporal things. Though, the thing that has changed is me. I also believe that I have been given a greater portion of the Spirit of God.
I also have come to the conclusion that I don't want to be like everyone else. I don't want an eternal companion. I have been asked to live a life without one. In the next life, I don't want an eternal companion. I told that to Traci and he thought that was interesting. The Holy Ghost doesn't have a body and therefore, by the rules that we know, shouldn't be considered to be a God. Yet, He is. So that would mean that there is probably a chance where if I do what I am supposed to do in this life, I will be able to choose if I want a companion or not. I have decided that I don't want one.
The reason this has come to my mind is because I have had a couple of thoughts that have come to me about my future. I have thought a lot about why I have to live a life alone. I imagined myself as a beacon of light, a guide if you will. I imagine that I have this lantern that is filled with light that is radiant and bright. The light comes from the lantern, but the light also come from me as well. I am dressed in these elaborate robes, walking in the moors, swamps and marshes illuminating the path that I walk and helping the plants, animals and downtrodden things to find hope, to feel loved, to feel encouragement to grow, to move forward, to help them get unstuck from the mire. It is meant for me to be alone. It would appear that if I was with another, the light would be diminished. The wastelands paths are wide enough only for one traveler. There is no room for a side by side companion. These plants and animals are strengthened, loved and doused with hope that they can rise out of the mire, they can grow above the mists. While they drink freely of the concentrated light, they will grow, they will be changed forever, if they allow it. And as the seasons change, so too, I must go. There is no permanency with those that I meet. The hard thing is that I'm asked to walk in the moors and mires, in the dark and mist. Yet, while I leave the plants and animals that I help, they grow, they escape, they become stronger. In my wake, there are luscious, vast gardens that have grown, that reach the skies, the destroy the mud and muck and create places of life and refuge. I don't ever see the forests that grow, because the mists are always in the way. My light only dispels so much mist. All I see are the swamps. As I travel and help and save others, my light grows brighter. As the light grows brighter, so does my ability to help and save others.
I think of Lady Galadriel in the Lord of the Rings series, where she appears out of nowhere to lift Frodo up from falling down in the lands of Mordor. That is what I'm doing, traveling the abandoned places to seek out the ones who are lost, afraid, hurt and have lost hope. It is a dangerous place because the journey is a slow journey in the moors. But once I'm out, there are no more areas for the plants, animals and pure spirits to be ensnared. To be a treasure is to be alone. And because this seems to be my purpose, I choose not to have a companion in the next life. There is not another soul that is as great as I am. The equals that I meet, will be at different stages of their development. Our potential will be the same, but the output won't be the same. I am beginning to believe that there are no equals for me in this life and if there is, we shall never cross paths. If that is all true, then I don't want to be like everyone else. I want to remain a treasure. I want to remain alone and remain radiant and lovely.
Now how does that work with the gospel? Well, the Holy Ghost doesn't have a body and He is considered a God. Yet, He doesn't have a body. If that is the case, then I would believe that it is safe to assume that He may not be sealed to another. So, I don't want to be like everyone else. I want to remain and stay separate from the others.
I told this to Cory Beth and he said that I was wrong because exaltation requires to be married. I don't agree because the Holy Ghost doesn't have a body and the ordinances have to be done here on this earth, where there are bodies. And since His glory doesn't have a body, that would mean to me, that He had the chance to choose. I want that chose as well. Traci thinks that is very interesting.
Cory Beth is very ridged in his thinking. He is a slow learner in the ideals of spiritual things. Traci isn't so much.
Anyway, that is how I have felt and have come to a conclusion to.
Thanks for listening to me Delysia. I miss you a lot. Halloween was so hard for me because you are gone. I was really sad. But you're still in my heart. I love you!
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