I had so much fun last night going to the gym. I went to
booty zumba for the first in a long time, and it was SO MUCH FUN! I
looked real good in the mirror! HAHAHAHAHAA
What was even
more fun, was a girl in my ward showed up in the class, and she said,
she had so much fun dancing next to me that she wanted to be my gym
partner! So I said, YES! So we are going to be gym buddies Monday night
and dance, dance revolution at the gym! HAHAHAHA...
Her name is Sara Taylor. She told me about her boyfriend. She's
only been dating him for 2 months. She just told me about her
insecurities about him, that she is not sure if dating is the best idea
for her with him, yet at the same breath, she was so happy to be with
him. She showed me pics of him. He's a good man. She'll likely marry him
if she can overcome his lack of emotional unavailability. He likes her a
lot, but isn't very much for sharing thoughts or feelings. It's his
lack of responses that gives her a little bit of anxiety. It's funny
that men and women are so very different and yet, they are so very
complimentary to one another.... :). She also described how some of his
behavior makes her think that he's a little off. She described some
behavior to me and I was thinking... he may have Autism or be a
psychopath! HAAHHAHAa... but for real though! Sara is a social worker
too, so she may do some assessments on him! LOL
I really
liked talking to her about her dreams, wishes and hopes for the future.
For a moment, it is nice to look at people and see glimpses of what
could be at that moment! It is beautiful! People, are such wonderful
beings. There is so much wonder in eternal beings that are trying to be
the best they can be. I have been so fortunate to rub shoulders with
such grand sisters in my ward. Where I live, there is such strength,
such glorious spirit among the sisters. I have also seen such changes in
the men. I suppose, my time is done now. I don't know what more an old
cat lady can offer the young generation whose minds are set on eternal
marriage. I think I need to speak with the Lord to see if it is time to
die in the pasture.
I spoke with Thad last night and he
seems happy. He actually seems so happy. John is still grieving the loss
of his father, so it is interesting to see how they interact with each
other. John came by while I was chatting with Thad about the surprise
b-day party Thad is throwing for John. It's funny, Thad doesn't really
have anything planned. The party is next week!? I offered to assist and
he wants me to make a cake?! I don't know if I like Thad that much to
make a cake for his bf?!... but I will if he needs that much help. Thad
just laughed and said he wasn't sure what to do but go to dinner and
then come back home and play games. I gave him suggestions of what I
thought would be fun... so we'll see. Thad wants me to go to pasture
too. LOL
The really interesting thing, is I think that Booty Zumba can be my replacement for Panda performances. I can zone out, be myself, work the dance floor, look over my shoulder and see maybe I'm being checked out?!... fully knowing that nothing will come from that... AND I'm surrounded by ladies who are just trying to be skinny! It seems like a win/win. Though, it is not what I want, I suppose it is better for me.
Of all the things that I have given up, Panda is not something that I want to give up! I love the way I feel when I do it! I feel so alive. Booty Zumba makes me feel alive too, but in a very different way. I have a lot to think about and consider.
Thanks for listening...
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
Thursday, May 12, 2016
May 12, 2016
I did my best to separate myself from them. Going to work is hard again. They feel like I am not doing my job. Though, I am determined to prove them wrong and then rub it in their faces. I was wrong to believe that I could be friends with shady people who can't be trusted.
I find it harder and harder to be who I am in this world and society. I stand out too much. I should have studied in fashion and should have not been afraid of what others would think about me. I should have done fashion and art. I love it and now I feel like I am playing catch up.
Right now, I am at odds with my belief system. It is so hard to believe in God and His 'plan' for me. It's hard to see him treat others around me so much better than I feel like He treats me. I mean, my best friend likes to tell me that he'll always be around to care and love me for me. He has also told me that he'll do anything for me, because he feels like I am family. I have a hard time believing that. He and I are on different playing fields. He'll get married, have a family. I am corralled into the life of celibacy. In my belief system, there isn't must direction on being a nun. In fact, they discourage it. Marriage, having kids and being a family is what they really cling to. Given that that option is not available to me, I find the only way back to God is being a single cat lady.
Though, when I was younger, I was never so consumed by this idea. When I was younger, I was very confident that I could do it alone. Now that I'm grown and older, I don't feel like I can do it. Friends come and go. I won't have an equal to assist me in anything. Though, my best friend says he will. He is single now, that isn't guaranteed. He is kind to me. I just don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, while being surrounded by couples and babies. I've grown to despise Love!
Writing this down and sharing my thoughts to a blank space of the Internet helps me feel better. I prayed to feel peace. It came. My situation hasn't changed, though, my best friends reminds me to take note that no situation is permanent... the constant in life is change.
... I am trying....
This song represents my feelings....
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
Work Definitions
Today was a really good day! I was really content and happy. I woke up refreshed and happy to alive and living. It seems to be so rare that these moments come. It has been a long time where I felt like the world was right, I was right and I felt like things could be OK.
It was really nice.
Work is a place that can be dramatic. The managers are getting antsy. They had a meeting today and complained about the director and me. The critiques they had for me were these:
1. I need to be more polished in my professionalism.
2. I appear to have my own agenda, instead of being a team player.
3. They are not sure what my job description is and therefore are uncertain of what I'm doing.
This was a total shock to me. I really like my co-workers. I was shocked that they felt like I wasn't being an asset to the team. They had even suggested to cut my position so they can have an additional position that fills another need.
I am in shock. I am sort of mad that they feel like I'm being given special treatment. I feel like I am a good worker and add to the team dynamic. I am not angry or sad. I just feel like I need to prove my worth. No one likes to do that, but it seems like that is something that needs to happen.
I also understand that most people feel like they are doing a whole lot more work that what they are really doing and feel like all the other people don't pull their weight. It seems like there is a serious issue with people wanting to have their hands in the cookie jar and not worrying about their own work.
I am not going to let this get to me, though, I am going to prove these bitches wrong. I have also decided that me liking them as friends is too chummy chummy, so I have deleted them off FaceBook. I don't need to be friends with them. They aren't my friends, they are my co-workers. I have forgotten that you do not mix pleasure and business. That is what I will do. I will keep them at a distance and just do my job.
It was really nice.
Work is a place that can be dramatic. The managers are getting antsy. They had a meeting today and complained about the director and me. The critiques they had for me were these:
1. I need to be more polished in my professionalism.
2. I appear to have my own agenda, instead of being a team player.
3. They are not sure what my job description is and therefore are uncertain of what I'm doing.
This was a total shock to me. I really like my co-workers. I was shocked that they felt like I wasn't being an asset to the team. They had even suggested to cut my position so they can have an additional position that fills another need.
I am in shock. I am sort of mad that they feel like I'm being given special treatment. I feel like I am a good worker and add to the team dynamic. I am not angry or sad. I just feel like I need to prove my worth. No one likes to do that, but it seems like that is something that needs to happen.
I also understand that most people feel like they are doing a whole lot more work that what they are really doing and feel like all the other people don't pull their weight. It seems like there is a serious issue with people wanting to have their hands in the cookie jar and not worrying about their own work.
I am not going to let this get to me, though, I am going to prove these bitches wrong. I have also decided that me liking them as friends is too chummy chummy, so I have deleted them off FaceBook. I don't need to be friends with them. They aren't my friends, they are my co-workers. I have forgotten that you do not mix pleasure and business. That is what I will do. I will keep them at a distance and just do my job.
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
The Bull
It has been a really long time since I have posted.
I have met a new friend that I have felt that I needed to be chained too, because of the visions of heaven. I've known him since August of 2015.
His name is Pappy. He isn't older than me, but he does look a little bit older than me. White people don't always age as well and cocoa butter individuals as me! Pappy is very different than I am. He is a tall, handsome, man that is pretty popular and really into outdoor, water sports. When you think of a popular, prince charming, that his him. Then there is me: tall, flawless skin, some what fem individual. We don't have a lot in common, other than we have the same faith system. That is pretty much that binds our commonalities.
I have tried my hardest to be the best friend that I could be with him. After all, that is what I've been asked to do: Be the best support to him, help him, love him, give him all that you have to offer. It was a divine mandate. Boy, can I tell you that has not been easy. Pappy is a very good man. The things that I think are great are these: He is not afraid of commitment, He is really polite, He is a great missionary, He is very faithful to his ideology no matter what, He is a very devoted boyfriend, He is a good listener. He is just an overall good guy. In some ways, he's almost perfect.
Though perfection is not something that any of us can obtain in this life. The flaws of him are these: He is self-interested, He isn't patience for things he deems lesser than him, He doesn't know how to connect with people in a deep, meaningful way, He uses people for prestige, power and position. In short, he is too pretty for his own good.
People are naturally drawn to him. He is really friendly, polite and is willing to listen to you. For me, I don't like him all that much when I met him. He seemed so uninterested in the better things in life. Though, I realized that what he valued was different than mine, but there wasn't too much difference in value. I also noticed that he's not very self aware. He said a lot of flowery things of the hopes and dreams that he wants to accomplish. Though, his actions don't always reflect that.
Some of the really cool things he shared with me was, He didn't want to be the typical jock guy who was only interested in women and could care less about other people. He didn't want to like and fall after mean women who were pretty on the outside, but were monsters on the inside. Another thing was, he wanted to be able to love people more freely. He wanted to relate and feel after other people. He wants to be able to find his unique gifts and abilities and use them for good to help others along the way.
I think that he is doing a really good job at being selfless, being inclusive and being willing to be a good example! He has come a long way. 9 months is a long time.
He is currently studying abroad, making a life for himself and his future doing some internships with some pretty prestigious companies. He has asked me to keep in touch with him, by writing to him everyday via social media and instant messaging. He has requested that I share with him how I feel and how my life is doing. I will admit, I find this request a nice gesture. Though, as nice as it is, I don't really enjoy the interaction that much. I have come to the conclusion that he is just wanting me around for my abilities and gifts. I have noticed from the very beginning that he was only interested in what I could assist him in; a magic mirror. I have hoped that he would get over that, but to no avail.
I have done everything possible that I think I could do for a friend. I have put his name on the Temple roll twice a week for the past 9 months, I threw him a dirty 30 party and dropped some serious cash, I have been available for him to talk to at his beck and call, I have shared with him my all my talents and abilities and have striven to put him in situations and positions that he'd benefit from those situations and people. I have given him all that I have to give a person. What has broke my persistence was when I told him yesterday that I loved him and that I was thankful for everything he has done. His response was, "I haven't done anything."
With his response, I realized that he was right. He hasn't done anything really to maintain our friendship. He has answered his phone, my texts, invited me here and there, ate the food that I cooked. That is pretty much it. Nothing really that I can't find from a stray dog or animal.
I have have been torn over this with him. I had left our friendship for a week and was punished for it by the divine. I wasn't happy with the relationship. I felt like he didn't care. It was very, when he wanted to. Though it was often when he needed something that spurred the contact. When I came back, we sort of explained what we wanted out of the friendship. He wanted to be my friend and wanted me to be around. I wanted him to be a best friend, a person that I could confide in. Though, I realized that his definition of friendship and mine are very different. Mine is more involved. His is not all that involved.
We've made a good go. He's really busy in school and his studies. Though, in my mind, people make time for the things that they really want. I feel like our friendship is more like a relationship of convinence. Does he care about me? Probably. Is it enough for me? No, I want an equality of effort. Though, that is something that I cannot request. Love and devotion only appears when given freely.
I feel good that I have given him all that I have to offer. I have decided to let him go. I will assist him in the things that he asks of me, I'm happy to help and support. But I have given up on the idea that he and I will ever be close friends. It is OK. This is a part of life. What sucks is, I felt like this is how it would happen, and here it is... happening. He won't know that the affection that I have for him, is pretty much dead.
I feel really sad that he doesn't care about me all that much, when my heart was into our friendship. But there is a part of me that feels good about it. A part of me says to wait, and I'm happy to assist when he asks, but I'm not going to actively seek him out. There isn't much point to it. He wants things that I can't provide him.
Of the many negative and positive things, I am a wonderful and loyal friend.
I have met a new friend that I have felt that I needed to be chained too, because of the visions of heaven. I've known him since August of 2015.
His name is Pappy. He isn't older than me, but he does look a little bit older than me. White people don't always age as well and cocoa butter individuals as me! Pappy is very different than I am. He is a tall, handsome, man that is pretty popular and really into outdoor, water sports. When you think of a popular, prince charming, that his him. Then there is me: tall, flawless skin, some what fem individual. We don't have a lot in common, other than we have the same faith system. That is pretty much that binds our commonalities.
I have tried my hardest to be the best friend that I could be with him. After all, that is what I've been asked to do: Be the best support to him, help him, love him, give him all that you have to offer. It was a divine mandate. Boy, can I tell you that has not been easy. Pappy is a very good man. The things that I think are great are these: He is not afraid of commitment, He is really polite, He is a great missionary, He is very faithful to his ideology no matter what, He is a very devoted boyfriend, He is a good listener. He is just an overall good guy. In some ways, he's almost perfect.
Though perfection is not something that any of us can obtain in this life. The flaws of him are these: He is self-interested, He isn't patience for things he deems lesser than him, He doesn't know how to connect with people in a deep, meaningful way, He uses people for prestige, power and position. In short, he is too pretty for his own good.
People are naturally drawn to him. He is really friendly, polite and is willing to listen to you. For me, I don't like him all that much when I met him. He seemed so uninterested in the better things in life. Though, I realized that what he valued was different than mine, but there wasn't too much difference in value. I also noticed that he's not very self aware. He said a lot of flowery things of the hopes and dreams that he wants to accomplish. Though, his actions don't always reflect that.
Some of the really cool things he shared with me was, He didn't want to be the typical jock guy who was only interested in women and could care less about other people. He didn't want to like and fall after mean women who were pretty on the outside, but were monsters on the inside. Another thing was, he wanted to be able to love people more freely. He wanted to relate and feel after other people. He wants to be able to find his unique gifts and abilities and use them for good to help others along the way.
I think that he is doing a really good job at being selfless, being inclusive and being willing to be a good example! He has come a long way. 9 months is a long time.
He is currently studying abroad, making a life for himself and his future doing some internships with some pretty prestigious companies. He has asked me to keep in touch with him, by writing to him everyday via social media and instant messaging. He has requested that I share with him how I feel and how my life is doing. I will admit, I find this request a nice gesture. Though, as nice as it is, I don't really enjoy the interaction that much. I have come to the conclusion that he is just wanting me around for my abilities and gifts. I have noticed from the very beginning that he was only interested in what I could assist him in; a magic mirror. I have hoped that he would get over that, but to no avail.
I have done everything possible that I think I could do for a friend. I have put his name on the Temple roll twice a week for the past 9 months, I threw him a dirty 30 party and dropped some serious cash, I have been available for him to talk to at his beck and call, I have shared with him my all my talents and abilities and have striven to put him in situations and positions that he'd benefit from those situations and people. I have given him all that I have to give a person. What has broke my persistence was when I told him yesterday that I loved him and that I was thankful for everything he has done. His response was, "I haven't done anything."
I have have been torn over this with him. I had left our friendship for a week and was punished for it by the divine. I wasn't happy with the relationship. I felt like he didn't care. It was very, when he wanted to. Though it was often when he needed something that spurred the contact. When I came back, we sort of explained what we wanted out of the friendship. He wanted to be my friend and wanted me to be around. I wanted him to be a best friend, a person that I could confide in. Though, I realized that his definition of friendship and mine are very different. Mine is more involved. His is not all that involved.
We've made a good go. He's really busy in school and his studies. Though, in my mind, people make time for the things that they really want. I feel like our friendship is more like a relationship of convinence. Does he care about me? Probably. Is it enough for me? No, I want an equality of effort. Though, that is something that I cannot request. Love and devotion only appears when given freely.
I feel good that I have given him all that I have to offer. I have decided to let him go. I will assist him in the things that he asks of me, I'm happy to help and support. But I have given up on the idea that he and I will ever be close friends. It is OK. This is a part of life. What sucks is, I felt like this is how it would happen, and here it is... happening. He won't know that the affection that I have for him, is pretty much dead.
I feel really sad that he doesn't care about me all that much, when my heart was into our friendship. But there is a part of me that feels good about it. A part of me says to wait, and I'm happy to assist when he asks, but I'm not going to actively seek him out. There isn't much point to it. He wants things that I can't provide him.
Of the many negative and positive things, I am a wonderful and loyal friend.
Sunday, November 15, 2015
The Puppy: Part 3
So many things have happened since the last time that I wrote of my journey:
A lot of things have happened and the best parts have been that blessings and good news that were foretold, have happened. I am very happy to see when all the blessings and good will was pronounced will come true. There have only been small variations that have been different, but the core of that good news is the same.
The main blessings that have been pronounced to him are these:
1- He would again date an Ex of his that he still loves
2- He would date a lady who would be just as wonderful as his Ex
3- Her name started with an A, and was going to be known as Ally
4- Which ever girl he chose, for he would date both for a time, he would marry.
There were also some other small ones that were given and have all, pretty much come true. These four mentioned are the major ones. Two of the four major ones have come to pass. Though the name wasn't Ally, it was Adi. He was given her name a month and a half before he met her.
It is very interesting really, he ran into her at church and had not really known her. At the time, she was dating someone else. Then, Puppy was told he should date Adi. The puppy had responded as, she is dating someone, he can't ruin that. Then he was told that she wouldn't be dating him for long and that he should take advantage of the opportunities with her when they come. Well, they are dating now and his world revolves around her... or is beginning to with her.
I had the opportunity to meet Adi. It was really interesting to meet her. She is so very head strong and very funny. A lot of her health issues, is the same as the Ex of the Puppy. Puppy and I always referred to these two ladies as Miss A and Miss J. Miss A told me a lot of how she felt and was going through while enjoying the company of puppy. Puppy and Miss A have a lot of things in common. She is afraid of puppy, because he's like a dream come true. In a lot of ways, he is to her.
I like that Puppy is finally happy. His happiness revolves around being able to be in a relationship with a girl and his history has always been horrible when it came to women. He dated these monsters and he was interested more in their physical appearances and filling his needs than the quality of the girls he was meeting. Now that most of his attitudes have changed, he is finally ready to date a woman of quality. It makes me really happy to see him get portions of all that he ever wanted. He can actually believe that all good things can come to him now.
I look forward to see when the rest of this listed will be made known and come to pass.
A lot of things have happened and the best parts have been that blessings and good news that were foretold, have happened. I am very happy to see when all the blessings and good will was pronounced will come true. There have only been small variations that have been different, but the core of that good news is the same.
The main blessings that have been pronounced to him are these:
1- He would again date an Ex of his that he still loves
2- He would date a lady who would be just as wonderful as his Ex
3- Her name started with an A, and was going to be known as Ally
4- Which ever girl he chose, for he would date both for a time, he would marry.
There were also some other small ones that were given and have all, pretty much come true. These four mentioned are the major ones. Two of the four major ones have come to pass. Though the name wasn't Ally, it was Adi. He was given her name a month and a half before he met her.
It is very interesting really, he ran into her at church and had not really known her. At the time, she was dating someone else. Then, Puppy was told he should date Adi. The puppy had responded as, she is dating someone, he can't ruin that. Then he was told that she wouldn't be dating him for long and that he should take advantage of the opportunities with her when they come. Well, they are dating now and his world revolves around her... or is beginning to with her.
I had the opportunity to meet Adi. It was really interesting to meet her. She is so very head strong and very funny. A lot of her health issues, is the same as the Ex of the Puppy. Puppy and I always referred to these two ladies as Miss A and Miss J. Miss A told me a lot of how she felt and was going through while enjoying the company of puppy. Puppy and Miss A have a lot of things in common. She is afraid of puppy, because he's like a dream come true. In a lot of ways, he is to her.
I like that Puppy is finally happy. His happiness revolves around being able to be in a relationship with a girl and his history has always been horrible when it came to women. He dated these monsters and he was interested more in their physical appearances and filling his needs than the quality of the girls he was meeting. Now that most of his attitudes have changed, he is finally ready to date a woman of quality. It makes me really happy to see him get portions of all that he ever wanted. He can actually believe that all good things can come to him now.
I look forward to see when the rest of this listed will be made known and come to pass.
Thursday, October 22, 2015
Humble Pie
Pride has always been a warm blanket for me in the world wide storm of selfishness. I have ran into some really great people and am so grateful to be able to rub shoulders with them.
As I have looked over their accomplishments and have gotten to know them, I am completely bewildered as to why they are associated with me. I feel very intimidated by their success and accomplishments.
I feel like I'm just a poor, trashy individual with no ambitions or opportunities to make anything happen. As I look over my life for the past 5 years, I think... wow... I have accomplished nothing worth while. I've just lived day by day with no work towards any dreams or goals to live by.
The problem I see myself in is, I've never known how to live to those goals, because I've felt like there was no point other than to live one day at a time. My friends tell me that I have value, but I'm afraid I don't really see the value they claim that I have.
I'm not driven by the normal accomplishments of the hustle and bustle of life here... in fact, nothing really motivates me... I'm just a blob on a log with not real value but to just exist.
... it's ironic that I feel this way...
..... I'm not really sure how to get out of this...
.... I feel like nothing, because I don't have a lot of things to show for it. .....
As I have looked over their accomplishments and have gotten to know them, I am completely bewildered as to why they are associated with me. I feel very intimidated by their success and accomplishments.
I feel like I'm just a poor, trashy individual with no ambitions or opportunities to make anything happen. As I look over my life for the past 5 years, I think... wow... I have accomplished nothing worth while. I've just lived day by day with no work towards any dreams or goals to live by.
The problem I see myself in is, I've never known how to live to those goals, because I've felt like there was no point other than to live one day at a time. My friends tell me that I have value, but I'm afraid I don't really see the value they claim that I have.
I'm not driven by the normal accomplishments of the hustle and bustle of life here... in fact, nothing really motivates me... I'm just a blob on a log with not real value but to just exist.
... it's ironic that I feel this way...
..... I'm not really sure how to get out of this...
.... I feel like nothing, because I don't have a lot of things to show for it. .....
Saturday, August 15, 2015
Fate
Some say our destiny is tied to the land; as much apart of us, as we are of it. Others say that fate is woven together like a cloth, so that ones
destiny's intertwines with many others. It is the one thing we search
for or fight to change. Some never find it. But there are some, who are
lead.
Water stands, like Fire, for deep, but also for variable, or - expressed in a positive way - "open" emotions, for the acceptance of diversity and the will for the new. Water also represents the contemplative moment, the searching in your inner self, for the discovering of the deepest and darkest things of yourself but also for unleashed chaos, for uncertainty without a goal. Water, in opposition to the stability of Earth, stands for inspiration, for creation, for giving birth to ideas, longings and hopes, for moving and for changing. Because if Water stands still, it will rot, just like things made of derivatives of the Element of Earth. But the flowing and the constant re-arrangement as well as the inherent desire to increase, to overflow, to pave the way of the unknown, are also the Water's strength. Water is the first idea to get started, reaching for a goal, where Fire is the actual real first step towards achieving these ideas.
Water in history has represented the gift of Prophecy, Time, Growth, Increase, Push and Pull.
Water and Fire can be one steamy combination under the right circumstances. Water can add emotional nuance to Fire's instinctual responses, and help Fire learn things like tact, compassion and how to nurture. Fire can blaze a trail for Water out of the swampy abyss of inaction. Their vitality and enthusiasm lifts Water up, so they can find their way. Like with any element, there's a danger here of mutual harm if things are not in balance. Fire can dry up Water, and make them feel brittle and undernourished. Water can smother Fire, put out the flames of inspiration, which usually sends them right out the door.
Rising Sign is in 28 Degrees Gemini
Extremely active by nature, you like to get around, meet people and do different things. Very restless, you just can't seem to stay put. You need to be involved in several projects at once in order to keep your mind stimulated. You like to read books and to write letters and to talk -- constantly. Seemingly ageless, you will always appear to be much younger than you really are. Very adaptable and inquisitive, you are always open to new ideas and experiences. A "jack-of-all-trades", you are lively and versatile. Because of the high nervous tension that you always seem to have, athletic activity would be a good way for you to burn off energy. But be careful of a tendency to experience things only superficially -- try to dig in and absorb things at a deeper level.
Sun is in 07 Degrees Cancer.
Very emotional and sensitive, you have an intuitive understanding of the "vibes" around you. You tend to be quite generous, giving, loving and caring, but only when your own needs for emotional support, love and security have been met. If they are not met, you tend to withdraw into yourself and become very insecure and selfish. Your home and family (especially your mother or the person who played that role for you early on) represent security for you and thus assume a larger-than-life importance. Very sentimental, you have vivid and long- enduring memories of the past. No matter how well adjusted you are, you will always need a secret quiet place of your own in order to feel at peace. Feeding others can give you great pleasure you would enjoy being part of a large family.
Moon is in 12 Degrees Cancer.
For the most part, you are very strong and secure emotionally. You intuitively know what to do to make others feel comfortable, loved, accepted and needed. You naturally enjoy feeding and taking care of others. Be careful that your mothering does not turn into smothering. At times, you tend to feel that those to whom you are attached can never do anything without your assistance and support. Extremely sensitive by nature, it hurts you deeply whenever anyone criticizes you. You have an almost desperate need to be loved and wanted and needed by everyone with whom you come into contact, and you go out of your way to be accommodating to them.
Mercury is in 15 Degrees Cancer.
Your emotions tend to rule your thought processes. You have difficulty seeing life objectively. You have an excellent memory, especially about things to which you have formed an emotional bond. You prefer ideas and thoughts that are known and familiar, and therefore tend to dislike fads or radical ideas. The beliefs and traditions of your family and culture are very important to you. Your thinking becomes quite unclear when you are emotionally shaken -- try not to make major decisions when you are upset. Let things calm down first.
Venus is in 11 Degrees Cancer.
You like to be very close to other people. You need emotional support yourself and are willing to give it to others. When you feel unloved and insecure, you can be very jealous and possessive. You are not interested in casual or superficial relationships -- only deep emotional involvements interest you. Your faithful devotion is one of your greatest gifts, but be careful not to become too dependent on others. Learn to stand on your own two feet and demand your own rights once in a while.
Mars is in 12 Degrees Scorpio.
Your likes and dislikes are strong and intense, never casual or superficial. You are known for your persistence and willful obsession. Once you have decided on a course of action, you are unstoppable. Your emotional actions tend to be extreme, although you try to keep them muted. You are not quick to anger, you do slow burns. And you tend to release your anger as sarcasm or irony. Beware of your tendency to hold grudges and to be vengeful. When you do fight, or release your internal tensions, you do so body and soul -- you become totally passionate and your outbursts are awesome to behold.
Jupiter is in 08 Degrees Capricorn.
You tend to feel that the only results that are worthwhile are the results that are concrete and demonstrable. You distrust abstract solutions and appreciate measurable achievements. An excellent organizer and planner, you are optimistic as well as practical and realistic about what can and what cannot happen. Very responsible, you consider it a personal weakness to be wrong about anything. This makes you appropriately cautious. You are very efficient but you tend to be cool and detached.
Saturn is in 09 Degrees Scorpio.
You tend to release emotional energies only very reluctantly. This is partly due to your fear of what horrible calamity might occur should they be released -- your emotions are terribly complicated and intense. Try not to repress these energies entirely, however, or you will succumb to negative and destructive forms of compulsive behavior. Give yourself the freedom to look awkward or silly once in a while. The relief you feel will be quite therapeutic and the embarrassment (whether it is real or imagined) will pass quickly.
Uranus is in 10 Degrees Sagittarius.
You, and most of your peers, have the tendency to think that all ideas, customs and traditions from the past are outmoded and irrelevant. You are attracted to radically new ideas, philosophies and religions that will, hopefully, cause sweeping changes throughout the world.
Neptune is in 29 Degrees Sagittarius.
You, and your entire generation, are heavily involved in investigating and idealizing foreign and exotic intellectual systems and religious philosophies. The most extreme ideals will be pursued with gusto. You will be at the forefront of humanitarian attempts to improve the lot of those who are in need of assistance. You will be comfortable with the concept of the "global village."
Pluto is in 29 Degrees Libra.
For your entire generation, this is a time of radical changes in society's attitude toward marriage and interpersonal relationships. There is a general fear and awe at the power inherent in making emotional or contractual commitments -- they will not be entered into lightly.
N. Node is in 06 Degrees Gemini.
You will consciously seek out many different contacts with others throughout your life. Many of these will be of very short duration, not necessarily because you're fickle, but just because you always seem to be more excited by the prospect of meeting someone new rather than prolonging your present relationships. At any rate, you will learn something new from almost everyone you come across -- intellectual stimulation is what you crave from others. You will be well known to neighbors and relatives, partly due to your curiosity about what they're doing -- you delight in keeping up-to-date about the latest news (and gossip).
There are some who say that destiny cannot be changed, that fate is not our own. I know better.
Water stands, like Fire, for deep, but also for variable, or - expressed in a positive way - "open" emotions, for the acceptance of diversity and the will for the new. Water also represents the contemplative moment, the searching in your inner self, for the discovering of the deepest and darkest things of yourself but also for unleashed chaos, for uncertainty without a goal. Water, in opposition to the stability of Earth, stands for inspiration, for creation, for giving birth to ideas, longings and hopes, for moving and for changing. Because if Water stands still, it will rot, just like things made of derivatives of the Element of Earth. But the flowing and the constant re-arrangement as well as the inherent desire to increase, to overflow, to pave the way of the unknown, are also the Water's strength. Water is the first idea to get started, reaching for a goal, where Fire is the actual real first step towards achieving these ideas.
Water in history has represented the gift of Prophecy, Time, Growth, Increase, Push and Pull.
Water and Fire can be one steamy combination under the right circumstances. Water can add emotional nuance to Fire's instinctual responses, and help Fire learn things like tact, compassion and how to nurture. Fire can blaze a trail for Water out of the swampy abyss of inaction. Their vitality and enthusiasm lifts Water up, so they can find their way. Like with any element, there's a danger here of mutual harm if things are not in balance. Fire can dry up Water, and make them feel brittle and undernourished. Water can smother Fire, put out the flames of inspiration, which usually sends them right out the door.
Rising Sign is in 28 Degrees Gemini
Extremely active by nature, you like to get around, meet people and do different things. Very restless, you just can't seem to stay put. You need to be involved in several projects at once in order to keep your mind stimulated. You like to read books and to write letters and to talk -- constantly. Seemingly ageless, you will always appear to be much younger than you really are. Very adaptable and inquisitive, you are always open to new ideas and experiences. A "jack-of-all-trades", you are lively and versatile. Because of the high nervous tension that you always seem to have, athletic activity would be a good way for you to burn off energy. But be careful of a tendency to experience things only superficially -- try to dig in and absorb things at a deeper level.
Sun is in 07 Degrees Cancer.
Very emotional and sensitive, you have an intuitive understanding of the "vibes" around you. You tend to be quite generous, giving, loving and caring, but only when your own needs for emotional support, love and security have been met. If they are not met, you tend to withdraw into yourself and become very insecure and selfish. Your home and family (especially your mother or the person who played that role for you early on) represent security for you and thus assume a larger-than-life importance. Very sentimental, you have vivid and long- enduring memories of the past. No matter how well adjusted you are, you will always need a secret quiet place of your own in order to feel at peace. Feeding others can give you great pleasure you would enjoy being part of a large family.
Moon is in 12 Degrees Cancer.
For the most part, you are very strong and secure emotionally. You intuitively know what to do to make others feel comfortable, loved, accepted and needed. You naturally enjoy feeding and taking care of others. Be careful that your mothering does not turn into smothering. At times, you tend to feel that those to whom you are attached can never do anything without your assistance and support. Extremely sensitive by nature, it hurts you deeply whenever anyone criticizes you. You have an almost desperate need to be loved and wanted and needed by everyone with whom you come into contact, and you go out of your way to be accommodating to them.
Mercury is in 15 Degrees Cancer.
Your emotions tend to rule your thought processes. You have difficulty seeing life objectively. You have an excellent memory, especially about things to which you have formed an emotional bond. You prefer ideas and thoughts that are known and familiar, and therefore tend to dislike fads or radical ideas. The beliefs and traditions of your family and culture are very important to you. Your thinking becomes quite unclear when you are emotionally shaken -- try not to make major decisions when you are upset. Let things calm down first.
Venus is in 11 Degrees Cancer.
You like to be very close to other people. You need emotional support yourself and are willing to give it to others. When you feel unloved and insecure, you can be very jealous and possessive. You are not interested in casual or superficial relationships -- only deep emotional involvements interest you. Your faithful devotion is one of your greatest gifts, but be careful not to become too dependent on others. Learn to stand on your own two feet and demand your own rights once in a while.
Mars is in 12 Degrees Scorpio.
Your likes and dislikes are strong and intense, never casual or superficial. You are known for your persistence and willful obsession. Once you have decided on a course of action, you are unstoppable. Your emotional actions tend to be extreme, although you try to keep them muted. You are not quick to anger, you do slow burns. And you tend to release your anger as sarcasm or irony. Beware of your tendency to hold grudges and to be vengeful. When you do fight, or release your internal tensions, you do so body and soul -- you become totally passionate and your outbursts are awesome to behold.
Jupiter is in 08 Degrees Capricorn.
You tend to feel that the only results that are worthwhile are the results that are concrete and demonstrable. You distrust abstract solutions and appreciate measurable achievements. An excellent organizer and planner, you are optimistic as well as practical and realistic about what can and what cannot happen. Very responsible, you consider it a personal weakness to be wrong about anything. This makes you appropriately cautious. You are very efficient but you tend to be cool and detached.
Saturn is in 09 Degrees Scorpio.
You tend to release emotional energies only very reluctantly. This is partly due to your fear of what horrible calamity might occur should they be released -- your emotions are terribly complicated and intense. Try not to repress these energies entirely, however, or you will succumb to negative and destructive forms of compulsive behavior. Give yourself the freedom to look awkward or silly once in a while. The relief you feel will be quite therapeutic and the embarrassment (whether it is real or imagined) will pass quickly.
Uranus is in 10 Degrees Sagittarius.
You, and most of your peers, have the tendency to think that all ideas, customs and traditions from the past are outmoded and irrelevant. You are attracted to radically new ideas, philosophies and religions that will, hopefully, cause sweeping changes throughout the world.
Neptune is in 29 Degrees Sagittarius.
You, and your entire generation, are heavily involved in investigating and idealizing foreign and exotic intellectual systems and religious philosophies. The most extreme ideals will be pursued with gusto. You will be at the forefront of humanitarian attempts to improve the lot of those who are in need of assistance. You will be comfortable with the concept of the "global village."
Pluto is in 29 Degrees Libra.
For your entire generation, this is a time of radical changes in society's attitude toward marriage and interpersonal relationships. There is a general fear and awe at the power inherent in making emotional or contractual commitments -- they will not be entered into lightly.
N. Node is in 06 Degrees Gemini.
You will consciously seek out many different contacts with others throughout your life. Many of these will be of very short duration, not necessarily because you're fickle, but just because you always seem to be more excited by the prospect of meeting someone new rather than prolonging your present relationships. At any rate, you will learn something new from almost everyone you come across -- intellectual stimulation is what you crave from others. You will be well known to neighbors and relatives, partly due to your curiosity about what they're doing -- you delight in keeping up-to-date about the latest news (and gossip).
There are some who say that destiny cannot be changed, that fate is not our own. I know better.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)