Cherries on the Tree

Dear Delysia,

Yesterday I have been thinking about my relationship with Cherry Beth. As you know, it's been difficult for me to notice how he operates. I've never really believed or have known if he cares for me. I am not good at reading whether or not guys like being my friend. I know that Traci cares for me because he makes time for me, he talks to me, he asks how I am and just shows me by reaching out here and there.

When I think of that with Cherry Beth, I feel like he's not the same. Does he contact me every once in awhile? Yes. Does he ask how I'm doing? Yes. Does he make time to chat/hang out with me? Sometimes. Does he serve me? In blessings, yes. In anything else, no, not really. I did speak to him a couple of days ago, when he was asking me for advice, I asked him how he felt the three pineapples were doing in his life: Will, his sister and me.

His progress with Will seemed a little premature. He thinks Will do well, until he leaves school and moves to LA for his job. Will will fall and dates someone. With that in mind, Cherry Beth is trying to get him to the temple. I don't think that Will will decide to be worthy of that. He hasn't fought the fight needed to really stay strong. Will has only been trying to be a member for two years. Will has a lot to learn in order for him to remain strong with his situation.

His progress with his sister isn't progressing. She won't talk to him. She won't respond to any of his calls/texts/messages. His sister just won't respond. He feels like he's failing. Though I think that he hasn't really learned how to be persuasive, patience or being able to reach into another's heart and see who they are. His sister isn't ready to come back. She never has felt like the church was a place for her. She wants to feel loved and Cherry Beth isn't good at making people feel loved. I advised that he would write her letters and share with her his spiritual experiences. He hasn't really done that, nor has he had a come to Jesus talk with her about her ignoring him. 

His progress with me, he isn't sure if he's making progress. He said that I'm the only friend where he knows so much about. I am the only friend that he speaks too on a regular basis (about 2 times a week). I am the only friend where he's actively tried to be a good friend to. He said that he tries to be a friend to me as I am a friend to him. He said that he's not good at it, but he tries. I asked him if he felt like he has helped me. He said that he wasn't really sure. He said that when we disagree with our points of view with the gospel, he's always shared with me what he thought, but was discouraged that the things he said was never helpful. He felt like most of the stuff he said was helpful for him, but never for me.

With all of this, I just asked him questions and asked for him to share with me how he feels and what he thinks. I made no comments, and just asked clarifying questions. I am glad that he goes to therapy. I am glad he tries to do good on his own. I have realized that helping him never meant that the help needed to come directly from me. He has listened to most of what I had to say and has made it his own. The things that I once saw for him, some have come true, others will come to him much later in his life. He won't get married until he moves to Minnesota. He could have been married before, but that cannot be anymore. He did receive a letter from a girl that he asked me about. I advised him to be bold with her and to talk to her, listen and to give her firm advice that would come to him if he listened to her with pure intent. She wrote him a letter later expressing how that conversation happened out of a whim and that the conversation helped and saved her life. He told me that he wanted to be of serve to others more and that he was pretty sure that this would have never happened if it wasn't for me and my guidance.

I suppose he cares for me, I'm just not all that convinced. Perhaps because I won't let it be enough. Perhaps I just don't know that this is love for him. Plus, it doesn't help that out of a scale of 1-10, I'm an eleven and he's a three. I suppose it doesn't really matter if he can help me. Perhaps later in life he would be willing and able. Though, now he is not. I won't hope too much on that. I require too much work and effort. No one is able to give me what I want truly. I can probably only get that from feeling the Spirit of God.

... with that in mind, it makes me think  that I should be a hermit in the woods, with the animals, plants, wind, water and the Spirit. :D

... I am happy though. He is good to me, as best as he knows how. I treat him as good as I know how.