Dear Delysia,
I am in Las Vegas. It is the President's day weekend and I am really happy that I am here. I have been staying with a good friend of mine, Peach.
Peach and I have known each other for five years now. We've got to know each other when I lived in Vegas. He and I would go out almost every weekend and just enjoy our time together! Peach has been in Las Vegas for about ten years now. He used to be in the military and Las Vegas was the last station that he had, when he retired from the service. I have learned that he and I have drifted away from each other in a lot of ways that matter the most. He doesn't believe in religion, he is living the best way he knows how. For me, I am trying to find a place and he has found his.
I came down with a guy that I don't know very well, Mae Day. She is a drag queen that I wanted to get to know better. At first when I started to meet her, I was really interested in getting to know her. She seemed really nice, real and genuinely interested in others. I have come to the conclusion that she is just really passively aggressively mean. She was putting me down the whole time I was with her as I got in drag. She was nice in the sense that she and her about the same size, she let me borrow her outfits. Yet, she was all about putting me down at the club and bars. She was just really mean. She behaved as if she was jealous that I was competition. Granted, I couldn't really tell if she was joking or not. Though, I am really tired of her rude behavior. She is just not nice. Only when she was totally drunk off her butt, was she able actually compliment me and tell me that I was pretty. This whole trip she has been really off-color in all her jokes and has just been really mean. I am happy that she has gotten along with Peach. In fact she has really enjoyed Peach. I am just not into her negativity all the time. It makes me wonder if when people really get to know me I'm a negative Nancy.
I'm come to the conclusion that Drag isn't going to be a thing for me anymore. I can't live that fantasy, it is too late. I met a lot of cool people, enjoyed the company and attention of lots of people, it's just that I can't do it anymore. It hurts a lot, my legs are killing me as well as my feet. You can't eat or drink, otherwise you'll have to undo your clothing... and that is a pain to fix. What I have missed about Drag, is the attention and people, especially the guys, be really interested in me... or rather taking the time to be interested. I really like when men take a subtle interest to the point that they are protective. I met a guy, Adam who was that way. He lead me around, made sure that I was doing alright, bought me a sprite and just was very considerate. I really appreciated that. I also really appreciated that he looked at me with affection.
But... it was just a dream and it is done. No more. I love the fantasy, I love feeling beautiful and desired. I loved looking flawless, with smooth skin, and just looking attractive. It's unfortunate that the cost to keep up with that is difficult and hard to do. The people, the environments are just not good or helpful. The most wonderful people can be found in such dive places, but that isn't always easy to do either.
I've decided that Drag is something I really have to put away forever. Yet, I yearn for a place for myself in this society, but I'm finding that that isn't true. There is no place for me. I feel like I just need to have faith and believe that what I have will be enough till it's time to go back to the heavens.
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