A Day with my Brother

Dear Delysia,

Today has been a great day! This morning I had a wonderful time hanging out with my little brother Jacob (poo). His name is really Jacob but my nickname is Jacob Poo. He doesn't like that very much, but I do, because he's my whittle broduah. I just love him!

Jacob texted me yesterday and told me that he was coming down to send off his family to Texas. His wife is from there and she was taking the kids to stay with her family for a month. So Jacob wanted to spend some time with me for awhile.

I met up with him for breakfast. We ate at a very delicious place, called Pig & Jelly Jar. We actually were there for about 3 hours just talking about life. Jacob and I used to live in Vegas. He had just been married and had is first baby and second baby there in Vegas. So, I saw him a lot and we got to know each other a lot better. He and I have had a troubled relationship. He was a popular, pretty boy who everyone loved and wanted to be friends with. I was the kid that was ridiculed. There was a time where Jacob was embarrassed of me, because of the reputation that I had in school. For most of his High school career, he went to a different school than I did. He was protected when he was in High school. So, he had a good experience. He didn't have to face the crap that I did, by association. He also felt sometimes that I didn't care about him. He has a very tender heart. He's a good boy. Being married has really helped him calm down and be more self-less and more aware of the beauty around him, instead of focusing on the beauty he saw in himself.

His family is beautiful! He has 2 daughters, a son and an unknown child on the way. Kapretty, Mya, wolf bear and unknown. LOL... as you can tell, in my family, we operate from nicknames!

While we were in Vegas, Jacob had faced some really hard challenges. But I am happy that he is starting to see how the Lord speaks to me. I often forget that my gift is to hear the Voice of God. Jacob has heard the voice of God before as well, far me clearly than when I've heard him. The example was when he serving in the temple in Idaho Falls. My cousin that he and I grew up with, Rye, was struggling really bad with his marriage and drug use. One day, Jacob heard as clear as day a voice that told Jacob this: 'Go and visit Rye. Give him a call and visit him'. Jacob immediately thought in his mind, "Why should I? Rye knows that I'm here and if he wanted to hang out, he would contact me."
Later that day, Jacob found out that Rye had committed suicide. I learned of that through a letter from my mom, after the funeral. I was serving a mission at the time that this all happened.

Jacob learned that day, that when you are told to do something, sometimes, there is only once chance and then it's too late. It makes me think, that I need to be in more contact with my brothers and sisters. I need to be helping them more than what I have been doing. Makisha, Jacob and Cherokee need more support. I imagine that I'll need to stay in better contact with them when mama passes on.

We also spoke about what has been going on with my family, specifically my mom. Jacob was really bothered that Rosey called him and asked him to help him with an online application to help him with the situation at hand. It really freaked out Jacob and has bothered my brother. He doesn't let go of things very easily. He told me that he was really concerned about the future of his family and his career. So I told him of my spiritual journey and the journey of our family. I told him about my friendship with Traci and Cory Beth. I told him that there were 5 more orchids to meet and help. I told him all the beautiful things that could happen to those two and what could happen to them if they continued to move forward. I gave him examples of how us kids are second generation members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I told him of the stories that I have learned and heard from the many sacrifices of the women who gave up all that they loved to be a part of this church and to partake of the Gospel. I told him that Grandpa Smith told mama that if she ever felt like leaving the church and gospel, that she should find something better before she left. Jacob laughed at that thought. The truth, there isn't anything better. I also told him that if Mom was saved from the life of the reservation, and was asked to endure other horrible things, and she was able to endure, we can too. I told him that I always think that when I'm discouraged, 'If mom can do it, so can I'. I also told him that the spiritual gifts and strength of our ancestors can be ours because children are a reflection of their parents. Jacob said that he felt the spirit. He really felt at peace and had a lot of things to think about and had his prayers answered.

I realized that I miss talking to my brother. I miss being around my sibling. Though, my brother can be a poop and some what difficult to be with, because he has a temper, he is a wonderful man. He is my little brother and I love him so much. I want him to be a good dad. I want him to be the dad that us kids never had. I want his family to love him, to honor him, to think of him with fondness, to respect him, to rely on him, to be someone that they think back and say, 'That man was a man of God and tenderness and love'. I am glad that he is my little brother. He is mine.

I am filled with such love and peace for my family. Jacob needs more attention. Boys and girls are really no different from each other. They process information differently, but they are very much the same. It is our society and gender roles that keep the men from asking for help and support and affection from people they want that from. I will call and text my brother more often, given that he has asked me to be better at that.

My favorite thing about talking with my brother is that he said, "Joshua, I am so glad that I spent this time with you. I wouldn't have spent this time any other way. Your strength will be mine. I love you."

I am starting to see that my siblings will need me more often than not. I will keep them more on my thoughts. I always put their names on the Temple roll.

:)