Beauty All Around Me

Dear Delysia,

Today has been such a wonderful day! I have had a grand time just enjoy myself and taking care of myself. I have always known that I don't do well at taking care of myself. I am very much of a person that self-sacrifices myself to the point where I'm sick. I am just like that. Mama taught me that you sacrifice for the people that you love. She also told me that as the oldest child in the family, it is my responsibility to take care of the other kids of the family. I imagine when mama is gone, the kids will look to me for guidance and direction as mama has been that for us.

The adventures that I had this past weekend are these:

1. Riding motor vehicles on sand dunes with a friend.
2. Taking a 10 mile hike in the wilderness to a beautiful lake with a friend.
3. Going to the pool with my cousins.

The Sand Dunes were soo much fun! I have never ridden a side by side motor vehicle. It was so much fun! Jules is a blast. She is very much of a tom boy, and for some reason enjoys my company. I am so far from being a man it's ridiculous. I am so easily entertained by the simplest of things. So the whole time we were riding in the dunes, my face was being sand blasted, we were bouncing around the dunes and screaming and having a good time! Jules was really attentive to me. She was asking me the whole time if I was OK when we caught air or bounced really hard. We even got stuck and had to walk for a mile and 1/2 to get some help, but it was so much fun! I could do that sand dune thing everyday. It really is such a simple thing, you ride a vehicle really fast on a terrain that you normally wouldn't do! Oh man... I want to go back! The funniest thing was, I was imagining that Jules was Furiosa, a character from Mad Max and I was the treasure. I was imagining that I was running away from Imortann Joe! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA.... I was living a fantasy! giggles.... What was also really funny is that I thought Jules was really so nice to me. She was really trying to make sure that I was OK. I am not that fragile of an individual. I may give off this demeanor of being dainty. I am not. I am 6'2, 200 lbs. I can take care of myself.... I just really liked that she was making sure I was OK. :)

My other friend, Shellie asked me to go hiking at 6 a.m. in the morning in the wilderness of a Canyon. It was so much fun! It was perfect weather to lolly-gag around in the bushes.  She is in her late 40's and really a gem. She is such a great friend. She has this obsession of moose. So we were trying to see some moose. We traveled to this spring/pond/pool of water and walked back. I almost pooped my pants! HAHAHAHAHA.... I had held it for so long and then finally, when we got back from the mountain, I ran to the toilet. We didn't have any leaves or anything to wipe my bum. I didn't want to use my sock! giggles... Anyway, we just talked about our concerns about life, people we wanted to get rid of in our lives, bad friends and what we enjoy about life in general. Shellie is a wonderful friend. She is so dainty from New York City. She is so quick and very skilled in whit. We never saw the moose. We plan on going again! On our way home, we had breakfast and she gave me some good council. She told me that I should take more time to just enjoy life. Life is not about working. Life is about making memories, building relationships, being and finding your happiness. Life is too short to work yourself to death. Have fun and enjoy it. She is wonderful! I had so much fun!

Then I went to the pool with Boo Boo Kitty and Sara Taylor. BBK and I have decided that we are going to adopt Sara and she will be our cousin now. In the pool we talked about our boy troubles. BBK had boy troubles with this dude who she trying to date, but isn't sure that she can. Reid has come to terms that BBK isn't going to marry him, YET. Though, I am sure she will come around. She did go on a couple of dates with this dude from a MBA program. After 3 dates, she told him that she wasn't into him. He lashed out at her and said really mean things to her. He said that it was sad that it took her so long to figure out that she didn't want to date him. We both thought 3 dates is the good time to figure out whether or not being with something is what you want. MBA people are such narcissist people. They are very selfish.

Sara talked to us about how she had to take a week from her bf, Taylor. He has behavior patterns that revolve around the autism spectrum. The scary thing is, he hasn't ever been diagnosed, so she has been waiting for him to get tested. She was freaking out about him, because the main deal is that she is not falling in love with him. She wants to be able to fall in love with him, but is stopped by the many behavior patterns that he has. Sara and I are both in the same type of work, so watching human behavior is a thing that we do. Her week ends this Sunday, so she'll go back to him. She has had a week to regain her faculties and be ready to date him some more.

My boy drama is Traci and Cory Beth. HAHAHAHAa... When I think that my boy drama are people that I am friends with is a sad sign. I shouldn't ever be so emotionally invested in strangers. LOL ... but I am. I love them. Traci is having some problems with his girlfriend/not girlfriend. She isn't really behaving in a way that would show him that she is even interested in building another relationship with him. So he is hurting about that. She isn't making any effort to be with him. Traci needs attention from people, or else he doesn't do well. He needs to have someone to pet him and be his support and corner stone, or else he has a hard time dealing with that. He's a puppy. 80 isn't treating him very nice. She has a victim mentality. People like that, don't usually ever want to admit that they are wrong. They have excuses for everything. They are never at fault. 80 is that. She is never at fault for her crappy behavior. I hate that Traci is so into her. I don't really feel like she is someone that he should marry. She seems more like a thorn in someones side, than a help companion. They always fight.
Then my drama with Cory Beth is, he's a really crappy friend. He is so very self-interested and really doesn't put in a lot of effort in relationships in general. There is an exception to that rule, you have to have a uterus, boobs, female, model body and be a monster of manipulation. I think he is a horrible friend. Traci defends him in the sense that when you need him to be a good friend, he will be. Those moments seem to be far and few between in my mind. He isn't really consistent. Though, to his credit, he has tried. I just gauge his efforts with girls he just meets mins ago and he's staying awake till the dawn, spending $$$ he doesn't have and disappearing from the face of the earth, just to make out and get handsy with. If he would commit that type of effort in the relationships that matter the most, he'd wouldn't be starved for attention or loyalty. Friendship isn't want he wants, he wants a wife. As far as friendships concern me? We aren't any better friends when he moved away. I don't like him that much. I am to a point where I don't want to talk to him anymore.

BBK scolded me and said that he is making more effort than he has ever before with anyone before. That is true. He told me that I am the only one that he texts on a 'regular' basis. I told her that, texting causal things and being face value doesn't cut it for me. I felt like the past couple of days he's been really interested in the gifts that I offer him. So I think since he's moving back, he'll want to develop our friendship, but I'm done. BBK then told me that I should focus on the things he has done and not the ones he hasn't. Be sent me a painting, he does chat with me every once in a while, he is nice to me when we talk. That is all that I can think of. I have sacrificed so much for him and he hasn't even thought of much of anything else, but to answer the phone and text. He just makes me feel like I am with Tristan again. I hate that feeling. So I have come to the conclusion that Cory Beth is just a crappy friend and I should just expect mediocre effort. It isn't fair to expect him to put as much effort as I do. It sucks, but he and I will never really be close friends, or at least not close friends that I am with Traci. Since Traci is my best friend and has wanted me to be, I want to be his too. Cory doesn't want a best friend that is a pineapple. He wants a wife. So, I can't blame him for that.

I need to take more random adventures with people or by myself and just enjoy the beauty around me! I am so HAPPY Delysia!

Love you!