Dear Delysia,
I had a good conversation with Cory today. In fact he has been reaching out to me quite a bit lately. He called me at 6:30 a.m. to chat and tell me about his life. He is a little stressed about getting a job next year, when he's graduated. He also talked to me about how he spoke with a good friend of his from his mission. That guy is a pineapple and is from where Cory is from. He told me about how he really liked the package that I sent him full of food. I sent him trail mixes, nuts and dried fruit. The package also had a book of Snow White and the 7 dwarves... Cory Beth is Dopey. He then chatted about how is roommate, the Muslim, had done all this research and learned that it is all wrong. The internship is over in 2 weeks. He is screwed. He has nothing to base his work on. He told me about this girl that he befriended and then it turned into him wanting to date her. She is 20 yrs old. He is the 'Attracitve 30 year old." She just got home from a mission. He tried to date her right away, but she was just wanting to be friends. Then a couple of nights ago, something changed. So I suppose he is trying to date her now.
He then asked about me and how I was doing. I told him that I was fine. He asked if I was doing OK. I told him that I was working through my struggles and that I didn't want to talk about it. He then asked if I would talk with him about it anyway. Then he told me that he had walked into work. I just gave him a scripture that I really liked and he left for work. Before he hung up, he said," OK, Love you. I miss you. I can't wait to jump into your arms." I responded with, "That's weird." Then he said that he'd text me later. His texts were about what I thought about this girl that he was interested in. He was also interested in what I thought about other people. I didn't really have much to share with him about these people.
He then texted me the next day at 2:30 a.m. He said that he stayed up all night the night before and didn't sleep but 1 hour. He then took an 8 hour nap, ate and was going to bed and asked me about that girl and some other girls. He also wanted to know if he would interact with his Ex again. She moved to Minneapolis and he was afraid that he might run into her. I told him that I didn't know and that I was not his booty call. He said that he texted me in the morning. I said that midnight to 3 am is booty call hour. He said that since he was in Central Time, that he missed the deadline. I told him that I was the one contacted during that time. I told him that I broke up with him on his Birthday because he was a cheater. He told me that I should have told him and tried to work it out. I told him no. hahahaha.
I then gave him a call later today and spoke to him about my adventures. I then asked him if he felt like he had changed. He felt like the changes were: He felt like he was learning to be friends with people without them benefiting him. He felt like he was learning to connect with people in a more meaningful way. He felt like he was learning how to make better friends. He also felt like making friends with the 20 yr old and then wanting to make it a relationship can happen.
I then asked him about if his relationships that were made longer were better. He felt like his mission comp who is a pineapple was better. He felt like his relationship with his mom was better too.
I then asked him if he felt like his relationship with God was better. He answered that it was still the same.
Cory then asked me about my thoughts. I told him that his changes seemed to be weird. His changes should have helped him have a better relationship with God. Then the thought came to me, Cory doesn't ask for God's help to make these changes, he just did them on his own. The other thought came to me that I don't think Cory really believes that he needs to change in the way that I have suggested him to change. I have always shared with him that Consecration and having pure intentions is what he should work on. I also told him that I don't think that he really wants to change in that way. He is a good man anyway. He shared with me that in the Temple he was super worried about his job and the Lord told him, Don't worry about the job. You're not here to make money. You are here to become like God. That is what matters the most.
Cory is living a life where he doesn't need God to accomplish anything. His focus is on things that don't matter.: money, job, fun.
What then came to my mind was, Cory doesn't need help from me, because he doesn't believe that he needs to change or rather that the changes seem to be so insignificant. I told him that I didn't know why I was even helping him, if he didn't need me in the first place. He can accomplish pretty much anything that he wanted. IF he doesn't believe that changes that I have suggested need to occur, then he doesn't need me. In fact, he said earlier that his view about people as to why he wanted to hang with them changed from being unique and interesting to, spiritually uplifting, nice, generous, kind and having a bright aura of countenance. I was sort of offended by that. He had told me that the reason why he liked having me around was because I was unique and interesting and that he didn't have any other person in his life like me. He said I was the only one he knew like that.
I have come to the conclusion that I have not been doing what I have needed to do. I don't take my friendship with Cory as serious as I did with Trevor. And I don't believe that Cory has either. So I have decided that I need to step away from him until he moves back here. I believe that will be in a month or so, so that isn't a very long time. I need time to go back to being more faithful, praying, attending the temple, reading the scriptures and being more willing to be patience and repent of my many follies.
I need to let him know this.
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So I spoke with him about how I felt about stepping away from him for when he gets back. It is actually going to be for a month. He sounded a little shocked and disappointed and probably annoyed by my dramatic behavior. He asked if he could talk to me. I told him that he could, I just wouldn't respond. He sounded a little sad about this, but I also really believe and feel that he and I have not been doing what we should be doing. We have not taken this arrangement seriously and I need time to repent and he may need to too. He told me that he would call me back, but didn't. I assume he is really busy with his presentations. I suppose that is a sign to me. OH well, I need to worry about my flaws and not another persons flaws. I don't have any control on those and I don't know how difficult it may be for them to change.
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