The Sands & Surf of San Diego

Dear Delysia,

I am so sorry for not writing to you in the past couple of days. It has been so busy and out of control! I had a lot of fun going to San Diego with Boo Boo Kitty and Reid. BBK's mom lives in San Marcus, 45 mins north of San Diego. We drove after I got home from work on Monday. We arrived to the house around 2 in the morning. Reid drove most of the way.

The next morning, I woke up to piano playing at 8 am. BBK's sister, Alisa was there with her two kids: Lucia, Cooper and Lukas. Reid had already been awake and spoke with BBK's mom and dad about how he wanted their blessings when he proposed to BBK in a couple of days. We were only going to be in San Diego until Thursday night. BBK had to work at 1 pm on Friday. I thought that was a really bold move. I thought it was really bold because her parents didn't really know that Reid and her were not really dating. They dated for about a month or so. It was not that long. If I was the parents, I would be really surprised to hear that this dude is about to propose to my daughter and I have not heard her talk about him all that much. Reid told me that BBK's mom wanted to talk to him about this idea. What Reid didn't know was, BBK's dad went upstairs and spoke with her about Reid wanting to marry her. That was a major blow to his cause. He really wanted to get her family to be on his side. I don't think that he did a very good job at that. He was in this weird grumpy mood.

I was starting to notice that he was really getting jealous of me as I interacted with BBK's family. I met her mom and she instantly became my mom too! I became a Cooper! giggles... It's funny, because the Cooper family is a matriarch home. There are 8 girls and the dad. Mom Cooper and I became best friends. The grand babies were adorable. I was really getting annoyed by Reid's behavior because he was saying really rude things about me, in front of the Cooper family. He said to the family that I don't like it when I'm not the center of attention. He also told them that I like to pretend to be something that I'm not. He said that I like to pretend I'm classy, but I'm really low class. These types of comments that he said to the family, in front of me, to her mom really pissed me off. I didn't say one shady thing about him to her family, nor did I say anything snarky about him in front of the mom or dad! I am still really mad about this! He asked me to come to this trip to help and support him. That is what I did. I am really good at supporting others in getting what they want, because I can cheat.

Delysia, you know that one of my pet peeves is when people transform into angels when they are trying to date people. Boys and girls do this, but boys are notorious in doing this. It pisses me off that Reid is like this. He is really nice and wonderful when he wasn't trying to date BBK. But when he started dating her and wanted to have her as his wife, he transformed into a Saint! I hate this! I HATE IT SO MUCH! It makes me believe that their behavior and mindsets are based on using people. I refuse to be used or treated poorly by men in that way. So when I was raging to Trevor about this whole situation, Trevor said that I'm bias towards men and that I was really happy to be friends with Reid and then all of a sudden I'm happy that his plan to marry BBK is probably not going to happen. I thought about Trevor's call to reprieve and I realized that I had sacrificed time and PTO to come to this trip to help him with his dream and command to propose to BBK. And once his opportunity had wilted away, he was treating me like I didn't matter anymore. I felt betrayed. I had given him the benefit of the doubt, because he's a good person. He is supposed to be in my life, whether I like it or not. Yet, as I have given him all that I have and it didn't pan out the way he wanted, there isn't any use for me anymore, so he's going to throw me under the bus with his remarks about me.

What pissed me off as well, was Trevor telling me that I should give Reid the benefit of the doubt because guys are not all that way. He said that we have our own internal narratives that we tell ourselves to brand people and situations where we are not wrong and we self-soothe the bad in people because we have developed a story to fit our perspective. He said that men aren't all like that... they don't use people to get what they want. Women use people as much as men do. What Trevor's doesn't know is that I don't fully support user women. I cut them out of my life. I also don't have a lot of experience of women using me because I don't offer them things that they want. I do offer men what they want, a highway to beautiful women. What made me really think snide remarks about Trevor was when he said that most men don't use people. I responded with, Trevor, our friendship started out with you using me. My friendship with Cory has started out with him using me. I am supposed to allow it to some degree with the orchids, because they are all users. How do you become successful in the business world, if you're really pretty and attractive and smart? You use others talents and abilities to get where you want to go. In turn they use you for your advantages and talents. It's also known as 'networking'. That is the fancy word, using term for being a user. I see it all the time among the wealthy, pretty and smart. It's a triple threat if you are all three of those things. I refuse to be used for my talents and abilities. I will only endure it if I am asked too... via the orchids. But I will not endure it from anyone else..... I am sorry that I got ugly.... :(

Though, overall, I had so much fun! Worshiping the sun and surf was so much fun. There are so many pretty people there in San Diego area. Especially people that you would like... tall glasses of water! giggles.... I want to move there so badly. Though, I don't think it is a very safe place to live. I would fall easily there in Cali. There is too much evil that I'm not strong enough to resist there. My skin is all one color now, Golden brown delicious! giggles...

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The most interesting thing that happened to me was when I was driving home. Reid and I had a very interesting conversation about spiritual gifts.

Delysia, I don't feel comfortable enough to share with you all that we talked about. Know though that I saw the collector. He is real! Reid asked if I have seen him. I have never seen his face until that night. He looks like a young man, white, sharp nose, he was wearing this khaki coat, with blueish/green eyes. I will run into him during a public celebration. I'll run into him and he'll say my name and I'll look up and see that it is him. I'll be really scared. I don't know what I will do when I meet him. Hopefully, I won't actually meet him.

Reid asked me what he is supposed to do to help me. He said that he is supposed to protect me, but he's not sure how he is supposed to do that. What was even more scary was when I told him if I had ever met the Collector, that is when I saw his face. Reid asked if the Collector knows who I am. I don't know if he does. I imagine if I saw him, he'll see me too. I'm not sure, but it makes me feel cold. Reid then asked me if he is supposed to help protect me from the Collector. He also asked if the Orchids will be there to help protect me too. I am not sure. I have never thought of the Orchids as being in a position to protect me. I've never thought of them as protectors. I will admit that I don't like the idea of being protected. I don't actually think that I need protection. I think of myself as a mystic of great talent and ability, that by the time the Collector comes around, that I will be able to avoid him. That is my pride speaking... I suppose, I need help... but protection?.... ugh.... I don't like that. I don't like the idea of a man protecting me.

Reid then asked me if I would take advice and direction from him about my life. That question, I had a hard time answering. I don't see Reid as an equal. I see Cory Beth and Traci as equals, but I don't really see Reid as one. I should see Reid as one, because he is extremely talented with a very rare gift, that I've never heard of or seen in action. I've handled similar things, but not the same.... I have felt the presence of what he has battled before.

I don't know.... thinking about it and writing this down makes me nervous. Though, I am safe for now, I won't always be safe. Reid warned me that when I speak of it, of them, the more you invite them to be a part of my life. I have only ran into them 3 times. I imagine that time goes on, I will have more run ins with them.

.... I don't know how the Collector harms people, but I am sure that as time goes on, I'll see and witness how it happens....


The atonement is real and awesome.

One last thing, I had a really good chat with Cory Beth today. He's a wonderful man. He's a soft and squishy little teddy bear. He has a really tender and sweet piece of him that I really enjoy. Talking to him, I felt like he was really happy to talk to me, because he wanted to. I don't know how to explain it. When he was speaking to me today, he was just really engaged. I felt like he was really wanting to listen to what I had to say and that he was willing to share his thoughts and ideas. He told me about how he has been thinking about the truth that we are Children of God:

"... It is essential that our preeminent identity is as a Child of God. Knowing that will allow our faith to flourish, will motivate our continual repentance and will provide the strength to 'be steadfast and immovable' throughout our mortal journey."

He said that as he has thought about this and have tried to see how wonderful it is that we know that we are Children of God, that it has really helped him be more spiritual in all aspects. Then he related that the other day, he noticed that his mind was wandering and thinking about things that were unclean. Then the thought occurred to him that he didn't act on any of those unclean thoughts and that it was a huge deal that he didn't act on them, for many would. Once he had realized that he had done good work and focused on the battle won and not the battle itself, the burden of feeling unclean left him. He said that I should do the same as well. He advised that I should find peace and comfort that the battles that I have won and overcome, I should celebrate over. I shouldn't get discouraged over the things that I haven't conquered yet. He told me that he was impressed with the things that I have overcome. He shared with me that I should be thankful and recognize that it's OK that I haven't won the battle, for trying is what wins the battle. This was the first time that I felt like Cory is my equal in things of a spiritual nature. He doesn't speak a lot or share his thoughts, but I know he has a swell of knowledge that he doesn't share. But this time, I felt that he felt comfortable enough to share a treasure of his with me freely. I always feel the spirit when I speak to the Orchids. I love speaking about the thoughts, ideas and conclusions involving the gospel. I love talking about that with Traci. This moment, Cory shared with me his knowledge and experience freely. I am really happy that he did. He's so adorable! :D

hahahahaa... I did tease him about this girl that he is trying to support who is Islamic. I was impressed that she went into the bushes with him all by herself. I told him that I wouldn't go in the bushes with him by myself. He's too handsy. LOL.... He's wonderful. I love him. Both Traci and Cory Beth are wonderful men of God. I am so grateful that I've gotten a chance to see them change and become true followers of God. It is beautiful to see such change among the noble and great ones.


Delysia, I have lots to be grateful for. Sunday is almost here. I will get to see some of the Saints there that I have learned to love. :)