Tonight, I had a really interesting conversation with Cory Beth. He called me and told me about his trip to Colorado to see his favorite cousin get married. He carpooled with some girls. On his way home, this Latin girl became really angry with him. He explained to me that he he sort of lead her on. On the way home, she was really mad and wanted to share with him how she felt. He sort of ignored her while he was talking to another girl in the front seat. He told me that she sort of yelled at him and told him that she thought he was a jerk. He then told me that he was sort of upset about it. He felt like he should have talked about it sooner than just ignoring her until he dropped her off at her house, never seeing her again. Then he told me that he was sort of annoyed that he lead her on. He didn't mean too, but just behaved really stupid with her with his seductive attitude. I sort of laughed and just told him that maybe he should be more careful about how he behaves with girls. He then told me that he just gets stupid with women.
The thoughts that came to my mind about him are these:
1: Cory Beth doesn't like the idea that he makes mistakes over silly stuff. He's a soldier in Gods' army. He doesn't make mistakes. He really hates being in the wrong and when he knows that he does wrong, he really doesn't like having to repair it.
2: Cory Beth comes alive when he's around women. He's not that alive or himself when he's just with guys. He really doesn't get much satisfaction or validation from hanging with guys. He only gets that from being around women.
3. Cory Beth likes to avoid confrontation and doesn't engage when he's not interested or bored. He likes to give me very little answers and doesn't really answer back when I text him.
4. Cory Beth doesn't know how to be a friend, because he's never learned how to be one, because he's so pretty. The funny thing is, he'll use middle school and grade school as an example of when he wasn't a cool kid or attractive. I think, OK, that happened like 15 years ago. I am talking about today, right now.
So I listened to Cory and his thoughts about what he wanted to do with his life. I told him all these things that I mentioned. He sort got annoyed with me because he said that I was very observant and I behaved like his mom. He said that his mom always called him on his behavior. He said that he would try to get away with stuff and his mom would just find out and tell him to stop doing that. He was happy and yet a little annoyed that I was better at catching his flaws and telling him about it. I told him that I was only suggesting that he learn how to be better. What I saw in him, was just my opinion. I told him that I wasn't asking him to change, I was only giving him information that I saw in him. It was up to him to agree or not.
He then told me that he wanted me to be more invested and more interested in his life. He said that whenever he talked to me about the girls he was dating or seeing, I would give him very one word answers and not really ask about them. Then he snickered and said that he was feeling really awkward. I asked why. He responded by saying that he was feeling like a hypocrite. He said that he felt like it was really horrible that he was asking me to be more interested in life when he wasn't all that interested in mine. He said that I was a really good friend and that he was a crap friend. I told him that he was a horrible friend because he doesn't know how to be a good friend. He's too pretty. He hasn't really had to work too much for friendship or was unwilling to work on it. Now he just has people want to fawn over him. He said that I was a really good friend. I told him that I knew that. Then I told him that there was nothing wrong with him asking me what he wanted from me in a relationship. The worst is that I would say no. But I told him that I would try to be more interested in his life when he tells me about the girls that he is interested in. He said thanks and that he was really happy that I was willing to try.
I was sort of blown away from this request. I thought that I was interested in his life. Then I realized that the thing that he was really into, I wasn't all that interested in hearing about: girls that he was trying to date and get into. It is true. I'm not all that interested in hearing about his conquests. I don't really care who he dates. To me, all that matters is that he dates and finds a wife so that I can move on and get #3.
Then after an hour or so, he said that he was tired and was going to bed. He said that he was sorry that we only talked about him and hung up.
I have really enjoyed that I have come to terms with the type of friendship that I have with him. I approach it very casually. I am just enjoying whatever he wants to give me. I don't ask for anything from him, other than to give me blessings. Even then, I cringe over that idea. I don't want his help in anyway. Though, I know that I need him in the aspects of getting healthy interact with normal dudes and to learn what it's like to be friends with dudes and to bond with them. I don't really know how to do that. But I also feel like I can find that from other places and people. Though, I imagine that it's better if it comes from him, though, I don't think that he's all that willing to make too much effort. Though he sure does enjoy the benefits of our friendship. I don't have any hurt feelings over it. Soon it will end and he'll hurt that he had wasted a year. I am just enjoying what is coming. It just makes me laugh sometimes. He is so willing to give up and sacrifices with people he met minutes before and ignore those that have vested interest in. I forget that I'm not really anything to him. I'm just a means to an end. Though, he is trying. So, I am happy with the effort.
You know Delysia, it's really hard to be kind and nice to people you know don't care about you. I mean, people ask me all the time, why I keep helping him and supporting him despite the fact that he's not that great to me. It's because I have been told to until he moves away in April. Then it's done. I will rest from all my cares with him. I will hold to my word.
Cory did compliment me that he was happy that he was learning about relationships from me. I chuckle and think, I told you all of this a year ago. Giggles... it's sort of nice and not so much fun when you have magic. It's good for me nonetheless.
Love you Delysia. You're wonderful! We are a treasure!
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