At my support group of pineapples, the session was about what the older generation would tell their 18 year old selves what they wish they knew:
Don't go into business with your brother in law.
Our personalities don't really change, but our perspectives do change. Aspects of ourselves change, but our personalities don't really. Be yourself and enjoy it.
Jim was one of the co-founders of Evergreen. Evergreen, is no longer. The premises of the group was, be and behave like a man, your gayness would go away. They developed conferences in 1989. At that time they were national news. Jim did speak to Larry King live... about repairative therapy.
Come out and be yourself. Repairative therapy is an illusion. Don't waste time on that.
Darcy wish he had learned how to have interpersonal relationships with people. He also wish he learned how to bond with men and to give and receive touch.
John went to school, graduated from college. He didn't realize that he was gay, because he never found a girl that was very interesting. He also thought that as long as he is in school, he's not in a position to be married. Then when he was about to graduate, he ran out of excuses of why he wasn't married. He wasn't gay, because gay back then was thought of as deviants and perverts. But he met with a group for support and he felt like the men there were just like him... normal dudes, like priesthood quorums.
He saw that 1 by 1, his friends who were gay confessed to the bishop and they were Ex'ed. So he was afraid about that. So John decided to leave the church. He wanted to leave the church at his own terms. No g's, no sacrament. He felt like if the leadership were ex-ing people, he felt like if God didn't want him in the church, John would gladly leave himself.
He started looking for the real true church. Then came to the conclusion that maybe, the one and true church was a part of their propaganda. So he got really involved with atheist. He didn't want to be alone for the rest of his life as a celibate, so he looked for the truth of whether the church is true. He used his knowledge to find the truth. He has come to the conclusion that the church isn't true, it once was but isn't true anymore. He believes the church is a corporation not lead by God. He isn't sure he has a place in the church.
... He said don't take a mission so seriously, learn to love people and get to know them.
Mark said, If your beliefs are still in line with the church and it's teaching, make sure your relationship with the Savior and God is really strong. He was married and had 4 kids. He would not have ever gotten married to a woman.
Tom said he was overly hard on himself. Relax and enjoy your life. He is a good person that makes mistake.
He said that masturbation should be kept in check. He never got a testimony of the temple.
Don't take everything from the leadership as complete truth. They are imperfect.
Even if you don't got to church, live the gospel you know how to the best.
There is more to life than sexuality. There are more things to life, so live your life.
I took notes and here they are. I thought that the discussion was heavy and somewhat sad. Most of the men said a lot of stuff that I didn't agree with. A lot of the guys talked about how they justified their behavior. I mean, in my mind, the church only allows for celibacy or leave. There isn't much room for anything else.
I spoke up and said that I live a celibate life and that I go to the Temple twice to just feel like there is a place for me and to feel love, peace and comfort. I said that it is a fight to get there and a fight to stay there. I said that it is the only place that I find peace and feel like there is a place for me. I endure all the rules and church so that I can go. I also told them that I have to make the decision to be an active member everyday, to stay with the path that I have chosen.
After noticing that most of the guys there, who are around my age, feeling like what I was doing was impossible or unattractive, I thought that I was in a good place. It's very lonely. Jim and I are the only nuns. The rest of them were or are in the mindset that if you're a 'good' person that it doesn't really matter. I don't blame them. It's hard to be a part of a religion that doesn't give you much option to live. It was a good affirmation that I am strong. I am really strong! But it is also really sad. So many are happy with their relationships. Jim and I are starving.
I am afraid for the future. But, there is a peace of me that feels like I can make it.... at what price I am not sure... but I can make it.
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