Changes in Cory Beth

Dear Delysia,

In the past couple of weeks, I have been noticing a lot of changes in Cory Beth. He is more sociable. He is more willing to be himself in most situations that I have seen him in. He has tried really hard to be attentive to me and has tried to be a better friend.

I have thought about how this has occurred. Traci is gone for a month. I have always been drawn to Traci because Traci makes me feel like I am a priority to him. Traci will often take time out of his day to talk to me, even when it is inconvenient to him. I know that I am not always a priority, but I feel like there are moments when I am. I also love Traci a lot. I feel like he cares and loves me. But now that Traci is abroad in Thailand, I don't have him to run too and chat with. Plus I am still mad at Traci for being a poop to me.

Cory Beth has called me almost everyday since he's gotten back from his internship. He said that since his work load is a lot less this semester and that he has a job to go to in the summer, he's got more time. In the most recent times he's called me, he's expressed concern about my happiness in the future. He has expressed concern that he doesn't want me to be sad all the time. He told me that he thinks that a lot of the time, I am sad and doesn't like that idea. One time he told me that he wished that he could just take all the pain that I feel with my situation away. During that conversation he also said that he wish that he knew better on understanding the feelings that I was feeling: the loneliness, the feeling stuck and abandoned. Yet, on the same breath, he feels that God doesn't leave us alone, he doesn't abandon us. Then another time, he just wanted to see how I was doing. He wanted to make sure that I was happy and always wants to know why I am feeling the way that I do.

Today, he called and spent some time with his family and his sister. His sister is a pineapple too. He was really happy that he was able to spend time with her, even though she ignores his phone calls and text messages. He was concerned that her relationship with her girlfriend will ultimately lead her to being away from the church and not becoming who she needs to be. He doesn't know, but it's too late. She won't be coming back for several years later. So, the opportunity now, is to love her and support her and when the time comes for her to come back, he'll be there waiting for her. I liked that he shared that his mom and dad worry that she doesn't want to be around them when she gets home from work. Yet, Kayla has said that when she gets home from work, she just wants alone time. Cory said that their dad really feels rejected by her not talking to them.

Kayla also told Cory about how her new girlfriend has bipolar depression. Kayla also plans to move in with her girlfriend in November. So he is a little stressed out. He said that he wishes that Kayla would live a life as a nun like I do. I chuckle at that thought, because I've had to pay a heavy price to be in a position to come to terms with that everyday. Kayla can barely function without a girlfriend. Cory did say that he is willing to be supportive of Kayla, but he doesn't really want her to be dating. I asked him if he has told her that. He said no. I told him that he may want to let her know where he stands in all of this, but to reassure her that he's there to love her no matter what. He said that he doesn't want to be another family member that harps on her about the pineapple thing. He just wants to love her.

Then Cory Beth asked about me and how I was doing. I told him that I was good so far. I told him that I was feeling like there is no place left for me in my singles ward. I feel like it's time to move on. He asked why I felt that way. I told him that I can't keep lying about my age. I told him that the main lessons and speeches from the ward is marriage and dating. I can't participate in that, so I might as well just leave. Boo Boo is moving to SLC, Alexis is moving to NYC, Torie is a baby, the rest of the girls are in a position to go on dates and to have boyfriends. I won't sit around and watch them enjoy their dream. There isn't a place for me there, so I should move on to the family ward. I laughed and told him that I would just sit on the back row with all the widows, waiting to die. Cory explained that he didn't like that idea. He said that all of us should be loving and be willing to help one another and to just be nice and considerate of others. I chuckled at the idea that he would say that. He's not that good at that at all! I am far better than he is at being loving and inclusive. Then I told him that is my fate. Either way, I will still be isolated. In the family ward is the dying ground. I will be the old, single pineapple man in the ward. Cory said that he didn't want to see me sad at church. I told him that he won't. I won't be living in Minnesota! LOL.

He then started going on about how he wants me to come visit him in Minnesota. He first said that he wanted me to come stay with him on the couch or his bed. Then he said that he'll just have a mattress at his home with mint green sheets, so then I could come and stay with him and I'd be happy. I laughed and said, " OH Cory Beth, why are you so adorable?" He responded that he's just trying to take care of me. I giggled and said that I didn't need a man for that. I can take care of myself. LOL. He laughed too. I find that thought though, really endearing. My friendship with Cory Beth is changing. It is changing a lot faster and more endurable than what I thought it could have ever have been. I am sort of in shock and yet, I am not sure if it's real. Maybe it is as real as it's going to get. That is all that matters, I suppose. He's a good man.

I believe that I will save him in some way. I think that I save him from a world of heartache. Our relationship is the type, where he'll build a foundation where all his divine potential can have a place to grow and have a well of living water to spring from. That is what he and I are doing now. What I receive from him? A good example. He has told me many times that he's very impressed with how wonderful a friend I am. I can't really say the same about him, but I am pleased that he finds interest in me. He told me that he prays for my well being and happiness. He also told me that he puts my name in the temple almost every time he goes, which is weekly. He cares for me. I just need to learn to accept what he's willing and what he does do.

You know, it's really funny. He reminds me so much of Tristan in the idea that he probably thinks about me and worries for me, but he never cares to share that concern. Yet, Cory Beth has been like that before, but in the more recent days, he's been more willing to share with me how he feels and his concerns. I am very appreciative of that.

I am very blessed that I have a mother that has taught me how to be a blessing! I am a blessing and a treasure! It makes me really happy that I've noticed the good that can come from just being me.

I love you Delysia! Thank you for everything!