A Pineapple Patch

Dear Delysia, 

On Sunday, June 12, I learned from the news that there was a shooting at a pineapple club. 50 people were killed and another 50 were injured. I ignored it for the most part and stayed in shock. Today, I have been hit by it. I have read plenty of social media feeds about the shooting. I've seen plenty of the LGBTQ community and friends that I have share a lot of things about their feelings. The media has framed it as the worst mass shooting in our History. Later, the news shared that it was a follower of Islam that shot everyone. The kicker for me, was seeing tribute of the people who died. One of the mothers gave a screen shot of her son telling her that he loved his mom, he was trapped in the bathroom and the he was gonna die. He said that he was in the bathroom and was shooting. This just broke my heart. 

As much as I have tried to not be consumed with the small pieces of my being. I never felt all the comfortable associating myself fully with the pineapple community. Yes, it is something that affects me because I am a apart of the demographic. Though, I am also apart of many other demographics. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I am apart of the Navajo Nation, I am Samoan, I have white family through adoption of my mom, I am a pineapple. All of these groups of identity are some of the major ideologies that brand who I am. These cultural, ideological and religious identities frame who I am. My life experiences fill in the frames. The frames help me interpret what I experience in life. 

Sometimes, these different frameworks interfere with one another. The most interference comes from my religious and pineapple frameworks. These two frameworks don't mix well. In fact they constantly fight with another. As much as I try to reconcile them, I'm not sure that they will in this life. I am saddened that this shooting happened. I am sad that the world is becoming more selfish and self interested. Because they are more selfish, leads to lack of connection. Lack of connection then leads to addictions, bitterness and objectification. Then eventually there is a desensitization of feelings. Once that happens, anything goes. The loss of life and love mean nothing. The idea of being a rock, an island in the sea of possibilities changes people to be conquerors of life and will. I suppose, life in this world will only get worse. That is what has been prophesied by the prophets of old. That cannot be avoided. What can protect us? I am relieved that I let you pass on Delysia. I imagined if I was in the club with you and then all of a sudden someone started shooting, would have I been spared or escaped? Probably not, the venues here are so small, I would definitely would have been shot and killed. Fear is running around. Eventually the hearts of men will fail and wax cold. I am happy that I was given a blessing and a promise that as long as I did what I was supposed to do, that my heart would not fail. That brings me peace at this time. 

I also am thankful that God is protecting me. I have made it a goal to be a blessing to new people each day. One of the greatest lessons that I learned from my mission was that my voice can be His voice. My acts can be His acts and that my smile can be His smile. I am really enjoying the great things of revelation that flow to me as I look for guidance and direction. My worth isn't defined with what I have or don't have. My worth is defined by who I am. My worth is defined by how much divine power flowed from my being. When I think of that, I am wonderful, precious and beautiful! It makes me think that I am becoming so much more like my mom. She is a true Saint and disciple of God. She just emanates love and compassion. Since I don't have a companion or children of my own, I can freely flow those great gifts from my mom to those that I met. The most of those efforts will always flow to my family,cousins and friends. 

What worries me sometimes is, I am not always going to be protected in a way that I have been in times past. I believe that as time goes on and as I continue to become the best person that I can be, I will be challenged. My gifts will stop the progression of the evil one in ways that he'll not like. A light within the dark. It makes sense why I'm in Utah. I am protected from most of the evils in the world. Though, when I move from here, the battle will begin. 

I am happy that I am doing good things in my professional and personal life. Though, a lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm doing God's will. I am helping the Orchids, I am serving in my calling, I am staying pure, I go to the Temple every week, I pray everyday and multiple times a day. I do lack with my attitude towards men, my scripture study, and the casual dating. 

You know, being a nun is starting to feel better and better. As the world goes to crap, it is the spiritual virtues that will keep many safe. Living in an isolated tower of light, with plants and animals cascading around sounds more and more enticing. It's funny, I think the scariness of life is for families, not nun's. I won't have to worry about kids going astray, spouses cheating or falling away... things like that. However, it is one of the greatest gifts that God has to offer His children, to be like Him. Being a nun isn't being like Him really. It seems more like a specialty school for the gifted. LOL.... I'm an X-men. HAHAHAHA... I suppose that is more fitting. Each of us have a place and station to play. Being a treasure is what I shall remain. Veiled to most, mentioned by some, heard of by many, seen by few. 

Solitude shall be my best friend. The garden of memories will be my home. All will be welcome. My smile will be His. Kindness is free. Despite the sadness that has fallen upon the Nation, I am saddened and yet feel calm and peace.

Delysia, hopefully I can always feel this way. I want to bargain with the Lord so I can speak to the animals! I also think of a scene in a movie where this mythical creature steps and the plants bloom spontaneously. I want that to happen when I walk. Though the more practical thought is, I want people to always feel uplifted, inspired, supported or loved and enriched by the Spirit that is reflected from me. I want my heart to be the brightest treasure, because of the covenants that I keep and from my resolution to be a blessing to all those that come in contact with me. I draw happiness that in some small way, the world is a better place because of the beautiful garden that I am cultivating. Who doesn't enjoy the beauty of exotic plants, especially Orchids. :)