Friends from Tennessee

Dear Delysia,

Today has been pretty good. I get to go chill with my girlfriends! Life has changed and moved on with all of us. Angeii, Kathryn, Antonia, Kaddyne and myself have had a great roll of change in the past year. It has been 3 years since I've moved back from Las Vegas. I moved to Taylorsville to be close to my job and that is where I met those girls. We made a family where we met every Sunday, made dinner and talked about our dreams, crushes, our hopes, our disappointments, our struggles and wins in life.

When I look back, I remember how I met all of these girls. I met Antonia first. She came across me at the FHE for Halloween. She told me that she had seen me in the gym, doing Zumba. We kicked it off right away. She was a little ghetto, but hilarious. I could tell that she was really into me, in a way that I couldn't reciprocate. Though, I wasn't too concerned on that face. Generally, girls that may seem to be interested in me soon lose that hope and desire. HAHAHAA... I'm too much like them for them to want to entertain anything more than a friendship. It's like clock work. Toni became my gym buddy and confidant. She told me everything. She also complained a lot about her crush that she wanted so badly for him to like her as much as she liked him, Kyle. But that was never going to happen. Kyle never saw her more than a chummy chum person. Though, she was madly in love with him. I could relate in some way. I wanted Tristan to try to be my friend. He didn't care. She and I bonded on the idea that we sort of gave all that we had and the other person didn't care. They just took it and then left. I always enjoyed that she and I could banter and throw shade at others and each other! giggles... Ah... she is head strong, thirsty and incredibly loyal. Her mom passed when she was 10. She has a twin. She lived a life of sin for a long time and then pulled out of it on her own for the most part. She is a hard worker and a great friend. I had a lot of fun with her! I still do when we chat on the phone. We sometimes are just stupid bitches... LOL... but forever friends!

Angeii is a convert to the church. She was a Jehovah witness, but never really got into the religion. She lived a riotous life as well. But she pulled it together with a friend of hers. He ended up ditching her and she made friends with us! She is also really a spit fire individual! She speaks her mind, really good at make-up, quick and hilarious. A lot of her demons have to do with her family. The Jehovah Witness religion is really hard to members of their church when those members are thought of as deserters. She struggles knowing that the church is true vs her family. She is strong, beautiful and kind. She left her family to be with a group of us that helped her feel loved. She has had her struggles still with drinking, drugs and what not, but she has always gotten back on the wagon and moved forward. I adore her so much! She is extremely loyal as well! She battles with depression as well. Her self-worth image is really bad. She plays it off really well, with her happy-go-lucky attitude. She comes from an abusive home. I adore her for her inner strength. She is also really funny!

Kathryn is a little person. She has my spiritual gifts, yet she is not as developed. She doesn't see as clearly. While I was in Taylorsville, her brother passed from health issues and it really affected her. Because she is a little person, she has self-esteem issues, she has self-confidence issues. Her heart is made of gold! She is very talented in cooking, she's a beautician, she is an animal lover. I adore Kathryn because she'll most likely be a single lady like I will be. She thinks that she'll be a single lady because she's a little person. She likes normal sized people, vs people who are little. I don't blame her for thinking that there is no hope for her future. It is hard to come to grips with your life situation, given that somethings, you have no control over. She is really sensitive about how she looks. I love her butt. It just is so bootylicious. Her brother used to make fun of her for it. So she is really self-conscious about it. Her family is really interesting. Her dad is a little person and her mom is a normal sized person. Not all of her family have dwarfism. She has a sister and a brother that are normal sized. She has a great butt! I always slap it. giggles... She is a quick whit person. I just adore her. She hasn't always had a great family situation either. Being part of a family with genetic differences made the dynamic hard. She told me that the normal siblings were treated better at times. She is really strong though. She hasn't found all of her strength. I hope that she does soon.

Kaddyne is from Brazil. Her parents immigrated her for a better life and better way of life. Her parents are both converts to the church. She is younger than all of us. She is 22 years now. She is really funny, real and to the point. She is the oldest child. There is a huge gap with her and her sister, 12 years. Kaddyne has always struggled with self-image too. She used to be really thick and now she's fit and thickums. She is strong and curvy. She has long beautiful hair and beautiful smile and face. She didn't really find value in her looks, unless she was with a man. It's funny, because she was doing the nasty with her boy friends while, us friends were hanging out. When she introduced me to the first two guys, I drilled them with very forward and serious questions. At first, she didn't like it. But I wanted to make sure these men were treating my friends with respect and class. If the guy didn't treat them with class, it was because she let him, not because he wanted to. Man, just thinking about the guys she brought to our nights out or beach days makes me mad. She was happy with them, but I knew what was going on. I hated that she gave in so much with them. Just thinking about it makes me mad! She is a great cook, and struggles with having faith in God. Though, she would always come to church. Now that she's on her own, she doesn't go and is doing bad things with her boo now. I have had my drill moment with him. He's a good man, but not good enough for her! I hate that she dates beneath herself. Yes Delysia, I've told her that too.

You know Delysia, as I think about all the people that I am drawn to, they are girls that struggle with self-image, self-appreciation and self-worth. Mama always said that friends are often a reflection of who you are. I suppose that it is good that we were friends and we are still now. We relate in so many ways. They make me feel really comfortable. I'm too much of a lady... hahahahahaha....

Hanging out with the girls seems to be something of the past Delysia. I'm getting old. I can't continue to pretend that I'm in my early 20's. I have to move forward. Though, it makes me nervous, because I can't behave the way that I usually do with my ward. In a family ward, everyone will pretty much be married or have kids or a senior citizen. As a man, it looks really bad on me, for being single and unmarried. I suppose I can play it off as a divorce. We'll, I'll see. I just see myself being really alone in church. I'll be surrounded by babies and couples. My future is coming true.... hahaha...

You know, Traci did tell me some really interesting thoughts the other day. He thought the reason why I'm asked to have a second job. He said that when I'm out of debt, I'll be able to just up and leave and do whatever needs to happen. Traci believes that I'm in a state of preparation. Once I am out of debt, I will be free to do whatever is needed. I like that idea.... I was just thinking that I was going to be a single cat lady just twiddling my thumbs while I waited for orchid 3 comes. Both Cory and Traci believe that some cool things are coming. I have no idea what it would be... I'm just chillin... working magic and helping others along the way. Traci did also say that the Sons of Mosiah really were loved while single. They were missionaries for 14 years and saved so many... and were really loved. He said, if I want to be loved, I should just serve. I suppose, when I look back, I have so many people that want me to have a piece of their life and have shared that they love me. Cory Beth also gave me movies of heros that were single. Some I liked, some I didn't. Cory Beth and Traci are good men. They try so hard to be the best that they can be. I love them. :)

I am content. Working magic is exhausting. I need to take better care of myself. I don't sleep very often and I'm sick again. ... I get really emotional and whiny when I'm sick. I also get really lonely when I'm sick. 

I called mama and she is great. I love talking to my mom. I told her about Traci and Cory Beth and she just laughs. I am glad mama approves of them. IF she didn't, I would have a hard time keeping my interactions with them from her.

I enjoyed my friends. I hope that I am a good enough person that my friends can always feel loved and the spirit!