Today has been a wonderful day! Today has been so great! Today, I really focused on being a blessing to other people. It proved to be such a grand day!
A friend of mine, was having a really hard day. His car broke down and I went out and bought him parts so that he could fix it. I had some extra that I was going to use on myself, but I gave it to him on his parts that he needed. I was really happy that he asked me to help him, otherwise I wouldn't have known about it. He hasn't been having a very good week lately. He is moving, he is the only one with a car in his relationship, he has these huge fines to pay for with some drama with his car in Colorado. I just felt good helping him! Then when I was leaving, he asked when he and his fiance could treat me. I told him not to worry about it. That is what friends do, help each other. He was very insistent in giving back. I really don't care if he pays me back or not. I received my reward, I was a blessing.
I spoke with Reid, the gent who is supposed to protect me from the darkness in the future. He is doing wonderful with his dream job in Detroit. He was concerned the Boo Boo Kitty isn't doing what she is supposed to do. He thinks that they are supposed to be married. Though that is not what I have seen, exactly. BBK, has to want that idea as well. Right now, she is afraid of it. She is too blinded by her understanding. Yet, she knows that she is supposed to be his friend. She is too caught up in what Reid offers her, because she offers him a lot. The funny thing is, he offers just as much as she does for him, she doesn't see it. He isn't going to let her huge amount of pride cascade her being because he see's it quite well! It's funny how couples mixed together can truly make such wonderful things. He asked me what I thought about the situation. I told him that I have assisted her all that I can right now. She doesn't want to change, but I call her out on her double standards in a more subtle way. Calling people out straight out doesn't work well sometimes. At least with BBK, it doesn't work always, though she appreciates it. Things will work out for those two. I am going with them to California in a couple weeks! I am really excited! I was happy to talk to Reidiculous and help him feel better about his life situation. He is so in love with BBK. It won't be for naught, I know that for sure.
I have been obsessing with my friendship with Cory. I hate when I obsess about friendships. It is really about whether we are in good terms. I can't tell. I over think it and then get all anxious about what I need to do, if he's mad at me, then I feel I'm mad... ugh. I am a mess. Bottom line is, I am not supposed to reach out to him, so I am not. He said that he'd reach out to me everyday and chat. He doesn't reach out everyday and when he does chat, he is really interested in talking about himself. Though, that isn't really true. He does ask me how I am doing. I resist him a lot. I don't actually think he cares to know how I'm doing. So I just give him lame sauce answers, then he gets annoyed and the vicious cycle begins. I am in the fault in some of this. I just feel used. I consulted Traci and he told me to not give him everything that I have. So I am not going to give him all the letters that I write. I am a wonder and a treasure. If he doesn't see that now and isn't interested in sustaining a link, then I'm not interested in throwing myself at him. I feel good about this decision. I can't be feeling all anxious about him all the time. He is a wonderful person. He's just a shitty friend. I don't have time for that. He can change on that, but I am not going to wait around. He'll learn the consequences, unseen and seen. I still put his name in the Temple roll. He's taken care of.
The real blessings though came later today. I was contemplating about the beauty of my life, for I have a lot of wonderful things in my life. Granted, I haven't always seen my life as a wonder or anything worthwhile. We don't glorify the life of being a nun, in the LDS faith. But I was really trying to make sense of my life situation. There are a couple of things that came to me:
- God is the source of His goodness
- Since that is true, He can give His goodness to another if that other also has the potential to be the source of their own goodness and must nurture their own
- If we have the potential to nurture goodness, we must be able to nurture evil
- Evil is not a power, but rather an inclination to overcome.
With these two things set upon my mind, I believe that the presence of both good and evil are necessary. If there weren't two inclinations and we couldn't exercise our agency to do good, then we wouldn't be able to nurture our own goodness. God would not have given His good but another lower type of good to us. So, I am beginning that evil is the absence of Godlike goodness. I mean, this may sound like a weak statement when we consider the damage that is caused by evil acts such as murder or child abuse. Yet, this is not a correct understanding in my mind. Just as the presence of something can bring great benefits so can it's absence have catastrophic consequences. Just as a drought isn't merely the absence of water, but also the terrible effects of starvation, death and the suffering of hunger, so is the absence of Godlike goodness has awful consequences.
So I look at Evil as the absence of Light. The definitions of Heat and Cold. Cold is really the absence of Heat. Darkness is just the absence of Light. What is even more interesting is that anything that light touches always makes the object grow, either by shedding an unstable form, making cells grow, or allowing others to see things as they really are. Anything that Light touches always makes the object better, stronger and beautiful. Likewise, the lack of Light will do the opposite.
So what does that have to do with me? Are we not the answers to others prayers through our own thoughts and actions? Are we not commanded to be actively engaged in a good cause? We reflect the light that is given to us and the light that we cultivate! We cultivate it so that we are ourselves just as our God! We cultivate that Godliness in ourselves thru the gospel and the atonement! The Savior is the one that teaches us how that happens. With this knowledge, I finally feel worthwhile! I feel like a grand treasure. We reflect what we have always have been. I know I have great amounts of light and spiritual strength. It makes sense why I am a nun. A light so bright, cannot be hidden behind a few. I have be share my light. It makes sense why I saw the scene that I did with my Blessing a year ago with my EQ president. I am wonderful! I am a most precious treasure of light! The only way to refine my wonder is to be denied some of the sweetest experiences. Yet, the Savior said that the greatest among us should be the servant to the masses. I know a better purpose of who I am.
For once Delysia, I feel and believe that I am valuable and worthwhile! I feel so much peace and happiness! It makes sense that there is no equal for me now. I just feel special and feel loved by God.
BOOM! OMG, Traci promised me that soon, I wouldn't feel cheated or feel like my life sucks! I don't feel cheated or abandoned! I feel special and precious! I am a wonder! Traci's promise came true!
Traci, also believes with all his heart today! He told me today that he completely and fully believes that all his blessings are coming true! I feel the spirit so strongly! He has been such a blessing to me and to all those he has met. He has been such a great example to me and others. He has faced some hard opposition, but had conquered with God. I am completely filled with awe with God and His mercy with all His blessings coming to Traci and I. He really is my equal and my opposite. I just love him as if he were my brother. I actually feel like I revere him as much as I revere my mom. I have seen the hand of God in his life. He has changed so much! It was true that he and I knew each other and were meant to help each other along our path to the end! I am so blessed and so loved. Traci is so blessed and so loved too! We owe so much to Heavenly Father for making the path back to Him so much more enjoyable and possible! I have nothing but love for Trevor. He's so adorable!
I feel so much peace and love Delysia. God is so wonderful to us all. I am believe that He loves me. Trevor believes with his whole heart! We are so blessed! I feel amazing and uplifted!
...
On a side note, I realized that what Trevor wanted at first was a chance to get date Danielle. Yet at the beginning of the process, he had to go about it in a very painful and uncomfortable way. He needed to rely on my help and God's. And here we are, at the edge of destiny and he is getting his blessing fulfilled, he is learning the voice of God and BOOM! All that he ever wanted is and will come true!
Cory, really wants to marry a wife that will love him and he love her with all their hearts. He will get that if he goes through the process the same way Trevor did. He has to accept my help and God's. Cory won't find a woman that can help him and his potential if he won't learn how to cultivate deep, lasting, loving relationships with people. If he can cultivate a relationship with me, he can with his future wife, who is AMAZING! It isn't the way that he would like, but it is the way that God would have him do it. I don't like the idea either, but that is what comes to my mind. If he can't cultivate a relationship with me and sustain a friendship with me, he isn't able to sustain the relationship with the woman he should marry. She won't have him. Friendships are a reflection of intimate relationships with spouses. He may learn, he may not. It is his choice. He still has time. I am still willing to be his friend. He still has the opportunity to have all that he wants...
I am so humbled and so blessed. I am happy. :)
So what does that have to do with me? Are we not the answers to others prayers through our own thoughts and actions? Are we not commanded to be actively engaged in a good cause? We reflect the light that is given to us and the light that we cultivate! We cultivate it so that we are ourselves just as our God! We cultivate that Godliness in ourselves thru the gospel and the atonement! The Savior is the one that teaches us how that happens. With this knowledge, I finally feel worthwhile! I feel like a grand treasure. We reflect what we have always have been. I know I have great amounts of light and spiritual strength. It makes sense why I am a nun. A light so bright, cannot be hidden behind a few. I have be share my light. It makes sense why I saw the scene that I did with my Blessing a year ago with my EQ president. I am wonderful! I am a most precious treasure of light! The only way to refine my wonder is to be denied some of the sweetest experiences. Yet, the Savior said that the greatest among us should be the servant to the masses. I know a better purpose of who I am.
For once Delysia, I feel and believe that I am valuable and worthwhile! I feel so much peace and happiness! It makes sense that there is no equal for me now. I just feel special and feel loved by God.
BOOM! OMG, Traci promised me that soon, I wouldn't feel cheated or feel like my life sucks! I don't feel cheated or abandoned! I feel special and precious! I am a wonder! Traci's promise came true!
Traci, also believes with all his heart today! He told me today that he completely and fully believes that all his blessings are coming true! I feel the spirit so strongly! He has been such a blessing to me and to all those he has met. He has been such a great example to me and others. He has faced some hard opposition, but had conquered with God. I am completely filled with awe with God and His mercy with all His blessings coming to Traci and I. He really is my equal and my opposite. I just love him as if he were my brother. I actually feel like I revere him as much as I revere my mom. I have seen the hand of God in his life. He has changed so much! It was true that he and I knew each other and were meant to help each other along our path to the end! I am so blessed and so loved. Traci is so blessed and so loved too! We owe so much to Heavenly Father for making the path back to Him so much more enjoyable and possible! I have nothing but love for Trevor. He's so adorable!
I feel so much peace and love Delysia. God is so wonderful to us all. I am believe that He loves me. Trevor believes with his whole heart! We are so blessed! I feel amazing and uplifted!
...
On a side note, I realized that what Trevor wanted at first was a chance to get date Danielle. Yet at the beginning of the process, he had to go about it in a very painful and uncomfortable way. He needed to rely on my help and God's. And here we are, at the edge of destiny and he is getting his blessing fulfilled, he is learning the voice of God and BOOM! All that he ever wanted is and will come true!
Cory, really wants to marry a wife that will love him and he love her with all their hearts. He will get that if he goes through the process the same way Trevor did. He has to accept my help and God's. Cory won't find a woman that can help him and his potential if he won't learn how to cultivate deep, lasting, loving relationships with people. If he can cultivate a relationship with me, he can with his future wife, who is AMAZING! It isn't the way that he would like, but it is the way that God would have him do it. I don't like the idea either, but that is what comes to my mind. If he can't cultivate a relationship with me and sustain a friendship with me, he isn't able to sustain the relationship with the woman he should marry. She won't have him. Friendships are a reflection of intimate relationships with spouses. He may learn, he may not. It is his choice. He still has time. I am still willing to be his friend. He still has the opportunity to have all that he wants...
I am so humbled and so blessed. I am happy. :)
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