Foresight

Dear Delysia,

So today had been a rather blah day. I have really been yearning to be in a relationship. Though, the Lord has told me that, that cannot happen. I just yearn for validation and affection.

The funny thing is, today, I saw a co-worker, Richard. He's a wonderful person. He's a shorty little man with a heart of gold. Though, it is hard for him to want to show that heart of gold. He's been sick recently and I have been trying to be nice by giving him tea and natural medicines. He was starting to feel bad and asked that he hated that I was feeling obligated to help him. I told him that I was asking to assist, not him asking me. He never asks for help. Then he said that he wanted to pay me for my kindness. I was snarky and told him that he could pay me back with smiles and compliments! HAHAHAHAAaaa... I'm a tease!

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I have been so impressed both Traci and Cory Beth are learning the gift of Discernment. I spoke with Cory and he found the girl that he is supposed to get help from. I told him awhile back of a girl with long, brown curly hair with a name that started with a C. The first girl that he showed me was not her. Then the second girl that he showed me was her. The first pic that he sent me was a pic of her on wooden elephants. That was the picture that I saw. What was even more funny is that he said, he felt impressed to show me that one in particular. BOOM!

Today, Cory Beth got a lot of answers about what he should be doing. He was told that he shouldn't be as physically intimate with girls he's seeing. He was also told very little about Troy. The most that he was told is that Troy is supposed to be in his life for a specific reason. He is supposed to foster a relationship with Troy. That is why Troy is there, because he is supposed to be there. Cory needs to help Troy come back to who he was.  Cory was also told that the girl with the C name, he needs to look at her FaceBook and discern from there what she has to offer. He is still unsure what he is supposed to learn from her. He asked me if Cory is supposed to help her. The thoughts that came to my mind was that he isn't in a position to help her so much as she is for him. It will be a challenge. Cory mentioned that he saw that her countenance was darkened from her mission to now. He felt like something bad had happened to her. Then lastly, he was told somethings about what his mission is in life and what he should go about doing. He was hesitant to share with me what those things are. He said that he needed to think about it and pray more about what he was given.

Both Cory and Traci are learning how to use Discernment. That gift is flowing to them. The thought that came to me while I was talking to Cory was, I don't think I need to be talking to Cory as much. Though, that was my own personal thought, not of the divine. I was also thinking, Cory and Trevor don't need me anymore. They are learning the gift that I have, discernment. I don't offer anything unique to them. Once they have learned it, I have nothing left to give or share of importance. Cory was nice by responding that I don't need to be a magic mirror and be a friend. He asked that I should write him a message about how I have been doing and that I should not just disappear. I made no promise. He was annoyed and responded that I should just do it anyway. I didn't write him a message. He has a lot to do. Time will always be a precious resource that he won't have a lot of. I feel like the fading to the background is happening faster than I thought. It makes me feel meh.

I know, I know I'm being difficult. I should ask to have my heart softened and stop being a stink. It's hard. It's hard when I'm feeling meh. I'm tired too.

Trevor has been kind enough to share with me that I should learn from his mistakes. I should do what I feel like I should be doing. He said that he felt like he should have left his job a month ago and resisted it. Now he's been told that the Lord won't let him stay there anymore and moving to Utah is the place that God wants him to be. Trevor learned that he hasn't been improving for the past 2 years and he's likely to be fired if he doesn't leave on his own terms. So he told me that it is time to move on in life and stop clinging to the past. He used my words against me, 'When we're living the way that we should, all things that happen to us, is how it should be, good or bad.'

I am resisting my blessings again. I don't want to keep in contact with Cory. I want Trevor to forget about me and I want to fade into oblivion with plants and animals and to die alone in the wood somewhere or catch some disease in India living a life of a nun.

I need to pray and ask God for help and assistance. I can't go a day or two without speaking to Him or relying on Him.